The 2022 season of Game of Thrones is nearing the “end game”. Do you think you’ve got what it takes to “steal” the Crown? Remember there are various age and gender categories to compete for, <40, 40-60, 60-70 and 70+. Channel your inner dragon and “burn up” the three challenges below to stake your claim for “glory”.

The seeds of dissent were sewn on an earlier voyage when Matt the Hootle proposed a journey beginning at Market Cross heading to Millington. “The cafe is not open on Tuesday” advised Greybeard at which point the Admiral piped on board with an alternative route. “Wah!” wailed Greybeard “I don’t want to meet at Market Cross. I don’t like that road” throwing his cutlass to the floor in a mock fit of pique. In an effort to reestablish his authority Matt then rejigged the route for Allerthorpe.

Fast forward to Friday and it was Greybeard’s turn to propose a route to the Farm Shop meeting at Manor House at 0945. It has been said that revenge is best served with a cold custard pie in the face, so no sooner had the rallying call gone out than Matt the Hootle lobbed his pie. “Wah!” he wailed mockingly “I don’t like that road. Can we meet at Market Cross 0930?”. Unfortunately not everyone saw the funny side as Michael Fastender suggested going to both places, then the Admiral began questioning the sanity of “Mr Grumpy”.

Twelve Knights “climbed aboard” the “Friday Rider” at Manor House. While waiting for the appointed hour to “set sail”, the Admiral started handing out our new club socks. ✴️Pow✳️sock✴️pow✳️sock✴️ a bit like a superhero cartoon strip though not to be mistaken for the verbal fisticuffs from earlier.

“OK folks, the tide is right, let’s set sail” cried Greybeard reinforcing his authority as ‘head of the table’ aboard the “Friday Rider”. The sun beamed down as we travelled out towards Cherry Burton and Etton. With light winds it was quite pleasant to be out. Our first challenge soon arrived as Greybeard sent us all up the “crows nest” aka Kiplingcotes Race Course “just to avoid the gravelly Spring Road”. On reaching the top, we turned towards Goodmanham and Market Weighton.

Our next challenge came soon after as we made our way up Intake Hill then past Londesborough towards Nunburnholme top. Climbing for a little over two miles with gentle gradients including some ramps up to 7% soon saw the fleet strung out.

After regrouping we continued our passage towards Warter top. Along the way, the good ship Jenny sprung a leak and needed repairing. Luckily there were enough “hands on deck” to assist and we were soon on our way once more. On reaching the bottom of the hill, shouts of “GRAVEL” rang out followed by the crunching of gears as we exited onto a short uphill ramp as we turned towards the east. This was followed by a lovely long downhill blast along Dalton Dale into North Dalton.

The final leg to the “bunker” station continued along the main road then through Bainton and Southburn before reaching the port of Hutton Cranswick. The fleet then “anchored” around the back of the local chandlery (aka Farm Shop) to take on board various supplies. Many were tempted by the scrumpy… I mean scrummy cakes on offer. Sensible as ever though, the vice Admiral ordered poached eggs on toast. “Sorry we’re not serving breakfast now no poached eggs” she was told, before opting for an sandwich alternative. A little later as the victuals began to arrive at the table, the “chandler” called out “Who ordered the beans on toast with poached egg on top?” I’m not sure if that was annoyance or a flummoxed look that appeared on the face of the vice admiral as she decided to keep schtum pulling an imaginary zip across her lips. Next time she’ll have to order the beans with egg on top, just “hold” the beans.

On the journey home we were slightly hampered heading into the south-south-westerly wind following our usual route over Bracken then across to South Dalton before retracing our way through Etton and Cherry Burton to end another crackin’ roller-coaster ride.

Unless you’re the sensible type and have a protein filled alternative. The recipe for today’s bake included a handful of hills, a sprinkling of flats interspersed with a soupçon of villages and quiet roads. Eight contestants gathered at Market Cross for the Big Beverley Bike Off to show off their cycling skills. “Right everyone, you all have the ingredients” announced Pugwash “It’s 0930 get your oven on and ready… BIKE!”

The contestants set off on step one, following the Molescroft road outwards to Cherry Burton. Next up was the familiar Etton Mess. It seems not everyone had fully read the recipe instructions as Barry’s hand reached out to turn towards South Dalton before shouts from behind set him on the correct path. By the time we reached lower Gardham, the heat in the kitchen was beginning to rise steadily along with the gradient.

When we reached the highest point of Stoneknowle hill we were joined by Zog just in time for him to about turn and return downhill. Swooping downwards towards North Newbald the pedals started spinning like a mixer on high speed. Continuing with the next step of recipe we covered a few more ‘peaks and troughs’ until arriving at Hotham. “You know I’ve read the recipe but I still don’t know where we’re going” said Matty as we turned towards North Cave. ‘Dough’, who said anyone can follow a recipe?

A final frantic dash along the busy main road towards Gilberdyke and then it was ‘relax’ as we turned towards the much quieter road to Broomfleet. This ‘proved’ to be as flat as a pancake and with the wind behind us and the sun on our backs, progress was quite swift, reaching Ellerker in good time.

“A table for nine please” enquired the contestants at the Olive Tree cafe in Ellerker Garden centre. Luckily they were able to accommodate us on a table with a reserved sign. After a brief review of the menu, almost everyone gathered around the cake counter like excited kids in a sweet shop to survey the ‘scrumptious’ offerings to be found there.

It was then time for the contestants to show off the results of their choices. First up was Barry with a Cherry scone which was equivalent in size to a house brick. “Wow, that’ll weigh you down on the way home!” Next up was the Date Slice and fruit scone but the showstopper was surely the chocolate orange cheesecake which had everyone drooling in their coffee.

A little later, gathering outside in the lovely warm sunshine, it was time reveal who will be leaving the contest. “The person leaving the contest today is 🎶🥁🥁🎶….. Zog”. Well he does live nearby and had already cycled 10-15 miles to meet us.

The remainder of the contestants then set off to Elloughton led by Barry who’d found a new lease of life powered by that Cherry scone. On reaching ‘base camp’ at Brantingham, he decided to ‘peel’ off and make his own way home. The magnificent seven carried on while singing 🎶The only way is up 🎶. From the top of Elloughton Dale we eventually reached Riplingham.

It was at this point the “recipe book” was thrown to one side as first Matt decided to add a few more miles then Colin ‘chipped’ in with “We could do the sprint”. While Sharrin and Steve G took to the Westoby lane, the rest of us headed downhill to Raywell and on to Skidby before going our separate ways home. A warmly fought contest in which all were “star bikers” and not a ‘soggy bottom’ in sight.

For those who were able to stay over we had planned a shorter ride for the Sunday. The start point was at Ribblehead. Nobody fancied riding to the start and as we drove upwards from Hawes it was probably a wise decision.

The day started cloudy and rather cooler than we’ve been used to but the forecast was for increasing temperature. Setting off from our parking spot we cruised downhill then up a short ramp passing the Ribblehead Station. On reaching the top, Neil pulled over. “What’s up? You OK?” we asked thinking perhaps he’d suffered an early mechanical as it was too soon for a rest. Turns out he wanted a photo of the viaduct and regale us with the magnificence of Victorian engineering.

Back in the saddle we followed Low Sleights road to Chapel-le-Dale where we left the main road to pick up a tarmac’d farm track. It was like having our very own cycle path undulating along the valley of the river Doe. Well it was until we came face to face with a massive camper van sprawled across the width of the road. While the van stopped, we gingerly picked our way around it on the grass verge. We soon realised why he was on “our” road when we passed the entrance to a campsite.

As we rolled into Ingleton the Garmin indicated a left turn after crossing the bridge. Looking up at the houses to the left, they looked much higher up than our current position. Better get in the small ring methinks. A wise decision as we faced a really steep ramp hitting 20% at one point. Not everyone had the forethought with gear selection as Colin found himself still in the big ring straining every sinew just to keep the pedals turning. Fortunately his “pain” did not last too long.

The climbing continued for a mile or so after leaving Ingleton as we took the Old Road towards Clapham however that was followed by a superb winding undulating downhill run into Clapham. “That was fun” was the general consensus as we regrouped at the corner of Eggshell Lane. Heather then went off in search of her paramour (Alan Bennett) or at least that’s what everyone said, before rejoining us at the Old Sawmill Cafe.

Following a lovely lunch we saddled up again to continue south east along the Old Road. As we reached the A65 we took to the Strade Bianchi (gravel track cycle path) leading us onto the road to Austwick. This was the nadir of our route, so the only way from here was up. The next climb came soon enough as we headed towards Wharfe. The terrain continued undulating upwards towards Helwith Bridge as the group began spread out. After crossing the Ribble we turned northwards following the route of the river towards Horton-in-Ribblesdale before returning to the car park near Ribblehead.

While some of us began to load the bikes onto our cars, four of our group Mark, Matty, Brian and Colin decided to extend their ride by cycling back to Hilltop Farm. After another initial climb from Ribblehead the “four horsemen” then enjoyed a superb downhill for around 10km into Hawes.

Following on from Friday evening’s Steak dinner and hilarious entertainment we awoke on Saturday to find there had been a slight overnight frost. Fortunately the weather forecast was for steady improvement with sun peeking out from the clouds like a nosey neighbour twitching the curtains. Our destination for the day was the Tan Hill Inn. If anyone was in any doubt about how much climbing would be involved, the fact that Tan Hill Inn boasts to be the highest pub in England should have been a clue. 🎶The only way is up 🎶

Two routes had been chosen, a short 40 miler or a longer 60 miler depending on weather conditions but both using the same roads to our lunch stop. Just as we set off, James realised he had a problem with his electric gear shifters. As Chris stayed to assist, Pugwash chased after the peloton to advise them of the “mechanical” unfortunately the lead riders were well on the way downhill at full tilt. When the message did get through, we waited at Askrigg to regroup unfortunately without James who had to take his bike to a repair shop.

Once on our way again we continued to Carperby and Redmire over rolling terrain. Mark was having trouble with “clipping in” so we stopped beside a magnificent oak tree in Redmire to see what was wrong. Neil and Mark eventually came up with a makeshift solution by sticky-taping his shoe onto the cleat.

Meanwhile some of the group set off “to get a start up the hill”. Did they know something that I didn’t? I soon realised what they meant when we turned onto the foot of Sissy Bank where the gradient went skywards touching 17% at one point. After regrouping at the junction of Whipperdale Bank, Neil piped up with “We were not supposed to come up that climb. We should have come from that road” he said waving his arm in the direction of Leyburn. “We were only following the route on the Garmin” we assured him.

By this time, we were out on the exposed moorland and could feel the full force of the North westerly wind in our faces as we headed to Robin Cross Hill. The initial section went through an army shooting range. We were glad to see the ‘🎯targets🎯’ were facing away from the road as we heard the occasional gun shot ring out. The terrain was undulating generally upwards with nothing too steep but made much tougher by the head wind.

The next sector took us back down towards Grinton then into Reeth where we stopped at The Buck for coffee and a few biscuits. While enjoying the sunshine, our peace and quiet was disturbed by procession of around 30-40 motor bikes passing by making an infernal racket as they went.

Suitably fortified we set off for next climb to Tan Hill, an 11 mile (17.5km) slog into the wind with an ascent of 1086ft (331m). It may have felt like an unrelenting climb but there were a number of downhill bits along the way to recover on. Having said that, the sight of the pub over the brow of the final hill was a welcome sight indeed. Which is more than can be said for the welcome we received from “mine host”. When asked if they “do sandwiches” replied “You can have what’s on the menu”.

Full meal it is then. “I’ll have the scampi and chips please” said some while others went for “Fish finger sandwich with chips”. Chris tried to pull a flanker and ordered Chicken Nuggets from the kids menu plus cheesy chips. “Sorry you can’t order from the kids menu, oh and very sorry there’s no scampi either”. This is going well. Despite all that, the food was delicious and service prompt.

“Right folks, what’s it to be?” asked Neil “40 mile route or 60 mile route?” With the thought of Buttertubs on the short route, we all opted for the longer 60 miles “We should have the wind behind us from Kirby Stephen” we said encouragingly. Still Neil tried to take us to Buttertubs as he took the first turn towards Keld. Many shouts of “wrong way” brought us back on track heading off downhill to Oxenthwaite.

Turning south through Kirby Stephen we then followed the river Ure valley through the small villages of Castletwaite, Aisgill and Hardraw before returning to Hill Top Farm where we were greeted by coffee and an array lovely cakes to celebrate Chris’s upcoming birthday.

It was a tough ride but I think we all enjoyed the challenge. Although someone did suggest we should look for flatter terrain next year!

Ride to Bolton Castle

Driving into the dales the scenery was stunning and there was an abundance of welcome signs, 10%, 12%, 15%…..25% you’re welcome! For those riding today, the plan was to arrive around 1230-1300 have a two hour ride and back in time for the food delivery between 4-5pm. It was a good plan but…..

Setting off from Hill Top Farm there was a lot of gear crunching and out of the saddle groaning as we immediately hit a steeper than expected narrow lane leading up to the main road. The road to Askrigg was generally downhill with a short 7% ramp through the village. We then turned south to cross the river Ure at Worton before tackling the climb up to Cubeck where we were faced with a 600m climb at average 9%.

Fortunately we then had a chance to recover as the terrain went mostly downhill once more as we passed through Thornton Rust before hitting a scary 25% winding downhill to the bridge at Aysgarth Falls.

There’s only one way to go after reaching river level so upwards we went again, all the way up to Carperby, a mile featuring ramps up to almost 12%. As we approached the junction turn to Carperby we met Alison heading in the opposite direction. “Is there a 25% climb along that road?” she asked “I’ve just taken a picture of the warning sign”. Faced with the prospect of the tough climb from Aysgarth Falls, she decided to join us and go to Castle Bolton instead.

From Carperby we had a lovely downhill section for about two miles before turning up towards Castle Bolton. Just as well we had that recovery segment as the climb up to the castle was about half a mile with average gradient of 9% hitting 19% around the half way point with another 16% ramp near the end. “Why do they always build castles at the top of a hill?” someone asked pleadingly.

The views from such a lofty position were stunning in the afternoon sunshine as we sat outside enjoying the panorama and our refreshments while “shooting the breeze”. Soon enough we headed back down the castle hill to commence the slog back up to Carperby. Nothing too taxing along the way but heading into the the North westerly wind just to add to the degree of difficulty.

As we zoomed into Askrigg, Neil pulled up next to the Crown Inn. “Anyone fancy a pint?” he asked looking around at the noncommittal faces. “Puggy looks thirsty and needs a drink” he added as way of encouragement. “Oh alright then, just the one” was the consensus as we trooped across the road to find a nice sunny spot in the appropriately named “BS Corner”.

It turned out we were all so “thirsty” after exercising our mouths that another round was called for. “Not for me Neil” said Heather donning her sensible head. However such entreaty fell on deaf ears and a small glass of sherry soon appeared in front of her. Well this lady was “not for drinking” and with stoic resolve left the drink untouched. As we got ready to depart, Neil just couldn’t let a drink go to waste and necked it in a oner. A decision that he’d come to regret on the final mile or so back to our abode at Hill Top Farm.

“Laydees n’ Gen’lemen, take your places for a shimmy to Hornsea Floral Hall. Our opening act is the renowned Raymondo with his unique rendition of a popular Music Hall classic! Take it away Raymond”….. “🎶Oh I do like to be beside the seaside🎶”…. “Join in if you want” he added. No sooner said than Matt waded in with “I’ll be there prom prom prompt”

It was obviously a popular venue as “tickets” were sold out very quickly. The “near capacity” crowd…. (ok thirteen then) gathered at Market Cross ready for some wonderful “entertainment”. “Everyone happy with the repertoire?” asked our host. “Do you know the road to Bewholme is closed” sang Paul. “No, that’s a new one on me” responded Raymondo “How does it go?” “We’ll just play it by ear” suggested everyone.

When the participants took to their seats, the show began as we waltzed our way through town to the sounds of heckling from the back of the ‘audience’. On reaching Tickton we came across AndyG “🎶Leaning on a Lamp Post🎶” eagerly awaiting to join the show, swelling our numbers to fourteen.

“🎶Those Magnificent Men🎶 (and lady)” then went flying off on their machines towards Leven and Brandesburton to the sounds of “🎶Don’t Dilly Dally on the Way🎶”. In no time at all we found ourselves in North Frodingham. Coming to the junction at Beeford “🎶I Stopped, I Looked, I Listened🎶” before spotting the “Safety Curtain” appear across the stage indicating “Road Closed”. “Now what?” thought the audience. Undeterred by such obstacles the show must go on to Skipsea Brough.

Turning south to Bewholme it was time for the final ‘act’ before the interval, the dance on Butterfly Hill. Raymondo “fluffed his lines” and somehow missed the start of the cycle path and strayed slightly over the halt line almost into the face of oncoming traffic, earning himself a huge blast on the horn from an approaching car. As the “curtains” came down on the first half of the show, the audience made a mad dash weaving through the heavy traffic to join the queue at the cafe.

After enjoying the sunshine and refreshments, the “bell sounded” signaling the end of the interval. The ‘audience’ took to their seats once more as we jostled our way along the prom prom prom to the sound of “🎶Ship Ahoy! All the nice girls love a sailor 🎶. For the next act from Hornsea to Mappleton the “compere” decided to split the audience into two sections. “Right you first six will be in the ‘Allegro’ group and the rest will perform the ‘Largo’ segment.” Looking around at the Largo group, he suddenly shot off to join the Allegro group. “Was it something we said?”

The two groups came together again at Mappleton….. briefly. The higher tempo at the front soon split the audience again as we made our way to Great Hatfield. However the “tortoises” eventually caught the “hares” when the latter missed the turn to Long Riston and had to back track to the junction somewhat red faced.

Heading down to the underpass at Long Riston, a shout came from the front “CAR”. “What! But there’s no road here” we thought. Sure enough, tucked away in the corner was a vehicle idling waiting for us to pass. Once on the other side, the performance continued through Arnold with the ‘Allegros’ stretching out the peloton before coming together at the junction of the Meaux Road.

For the next act, the audience once again split into two sections as we headed north to Routh. The ‘Allegros’ giving a rendition of “Knees up Mother Brown” while the ‘Largos’ followed “Down at the Old Bull and Bush”.

“And now for the final act. A journey down cycle lane”. “No!” cried Michael “I want more!”….. more miles that is as he swivelled his seat and headed off in the opposite direction. “🎶Has Anyone Here Seen Kelly?🎶” sang someone. “Yeh, he’s just headed off towards Leven”. Soon enough we arrived back in Tickton where it was time for the finale. “🎶Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay🎶. The audience then filtered out to make their way home feeling very satisfied with the days entertainment and the wonderful repertoire provided by the great Raymondo.

“Twelve? Hang on a minute. I can see 1…10,11,12,13,14…. oh and here comes Colin. That makes fifteen”. Yeh but, no but, it’s still the Glorious 12th, the start of the shooting season and we’re off duck hunting. “OK gang, it’s going to be a warm one today, so keep your ‘powder dry’ no going off ‘half-cocked’. No need to rush, them ducks are going to be a bit lethargic with this heat. Easy pickin’s”

Getting through town with such a large group would prove problematic as splits in the peloton appeared immediately. Some managed to get through the various traffic lights while others were held up. “Never mind, we can regroup at Tickton where Chad and Andy will be waiting to join us.” Trying to get over the Tickton road crossing also proved difficult with constant stream of traffic in both directions until one helpful driver stopped to allow our group to cross to the middle. Unfortunately the traffic in the opposite direction were not so obliging. When some of the group made a dash for it, Iain decided to follow behind only to be greeted by an irate motorist blasting the horn📯. Good morning to you too!

Our now seventeen strong group set off towards Routh. Oh great, now we have to recross that busy road to head to Meaux. Once on the way, the “breakaway” hit the front with ‘guns blazin’ while the peloton and the gruppetto followed. Another traffic altercation occurred when a ‘white van man’ decided to overtake approaching a blind bend only to be faced with another van coming in the opposite direction. In a rush to avoid a collision, the van squeezed our gruppetto into the edge of the road narrowly avoiding forcing them off the road in the process.

Our route then took us through Skirlaugh to Old Ellerby. By now, the sun was beginning to burn off the light sea fret and the ‘mercury’ was rising, so it was a blessed relief as we passed under the wooded canopy of trees bordering the Burton Constable Estate with a cool easterly funnelling through. On reaching the junction, we waited in the shade for the gruppetto to catch up.

“Now then. Hands up those that read yesterday’s message on Slack” said Raymond. A statement that was met with dumbfounded silence and no hands in the air. Whatever can he mean we all thought. “Which bit was that Ray?” ventured one brave soul knowing that we’d all read it but…. “The bit about it being hot and we should go at a sedentary pace” he clarified before emphasising “SEDENTARY pace”. As we all looked at each other blankly (and innocently) “But we were going sedentary” claimed Matt with his tongue firmly in his cheek.

After phoning ahead to the cafe warning them of an influx of cyclists winging their way in their direction, we set off again towards Humbleton. Clearly having taken Raymond’s exhortation to heart, the breakaway peeled off the front and disappeared up the road. Perhaps it was the thought of seventeen cyclists having to queue to give their orders and wanted to be first in line to “Spot the Duck” at Fitling.

Having filled our “bags” and “shot the breeze” it was time to head for home. While Chad turned right heading for Garton and Aldborough, the rest of us turned left retracing our path back to Humbleton. Now the wind was behind us and the “sedentary” pace increased creating a “lead group” and a “chasing group”. On reaching Sproatley, we turned off to take the back road past Burton Constable taking us into Coniston.

Mike took to the front as we flew into Swine but almost missed the turn by heading straight up Main Street until shouts of “RIGHT!” from behind brought him back on track. Shortly after we returned to Kidhill Lane and retraced our outward route back to Beverley. A warm day in the saddle but great choice of destination and thankful for the cooling sea breeze.