It was a grey and dank morning in the Shires as Gandalf (Pugwash) and the Hobbits, along with Thorin Oakenshield (Dave Wat) and his band of dwarves gathered round the Market Cross. Our task this morning was to seek out the sustenance offered by the Bells Mill café in the far flung Driffield region of middle earth. Gandalf suggested following the route to South Dalton then on to Bracken road to Hutton and Skerne.

On setting off, the band were shadowed by an Orc aboard a Warg as they passed along North Bar. Despite the Orc’s best attempts to scare the band by skimming close by, we soon gave him the slip as we dropped into Tiger Lane. A racing fit Legolas (Brett) took up the pace to lead the band over the Westwood. Joining our band today from the southern shires of Bristol was Radagast the Brown (Bob), a wizard on a bike, sent by Galadriel (Sharrin) to aid in our quest.

As the happy band proceeded ever onwards towards the Northfarthing, the pace setting changed hands several times with Beorn (Mathew)sporting his latest time trialling battle helmet and Bofur (James) taking the lead at the hobbit village of Etton. The band took a wide route around a local hobbit riding Fatty Lumpkin before heading to the Misty Mountains of South Dalton. With a following wind, the pace along the Bracken road was swift. At the top of Bracken ascent the band almost split, with some heading towards TJ’s while the rest continued towards Southburn. After regrouping, the band headed for Hutton, where Beorn took charge of the run through Skerne and into the café.

For the rather hungry hobbits it was time for “second breakfast” as they gathered round the serving counter to place their order. From the other side of the counter a voice was heard “Let us see what you’ve got in your pocketses”. At a price to satisfy even King Thranduil (Neil), the refreshments were served quickly. Mission accomplished, it was time for the band to return to Hobbiton. 

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Retracing our steps back to Skerne, we then headed towards Wansford. On the way, Bilbo Baggins decided to leave a trail of breadcrumbs by throwing his money out of his pocket, however very quickly had second thoughts and stopped to recover his hard earned cash. Turning south to North Frodingham the band encountered adverse winds. Now led by Thorin, living up to his name of Oakenshield, taking a long turn on the front and maintaining an impressive pace. Continuing our journey to Brandesburton and Leven, the lead changed hands several times as the hobbitses, dwarves and wizards worked together to battle against the wind. The final leg of the return saw the happy band following the cycle path to Tickton Grange where there was a bit of a free-for-all as everyone found their own way to negotiate the Orc / Warg crossing leading to Tickton village. With everyone safely clear of the Wargs, it was time to seek out their own little patch of green, where they can while away the time and dream about the next adventure.

The mixed bag offered by the weather forecasters did not deter ten hardy knights from turning out at Market Cross. Winter hacks were much in evidence this morning and order of the day was for mudguards. There is always one however, that fails to heed the message, not naming any names MARK. The extra hour on the clocks proved invaluable, especially for Colin who managed to arrive with time to spare.

Suggested café stop for today was Langlands at Shiptonthorpe, a destination we have not visited recently and a shorter route than we’ve been used to, a definite sign that winter is on the way. Heading out of town via Molescroft and on to Cherry Burton, it was soon apparent why mudguards are now a necessity. It was bad enough that we may have to dodge showers from above but to also have the added hazard of dodging showers thrown up by the rear wheel of the rider in front (MARK) added insult to injury. It was also apparent that not all mudguards provide the same level of protection, a bit like other forms of prevention! Each time the road surface got a bit damp it was time to choose who to follow or change position in the group or best of all lead from the front.

Taking our familiar route from Etton along the Kiplingcotes road, the pace remained steady with the chilly northerly wind coming from the starboard quarter until reaching Goodmanham. It was around this time, the first shower appeared which encouraged the rear of the peloton to seek cover in a handy bus shelter in Market Weighton while the lead group continued on to the café. While it might have been tempting to jump on the next bus, the shower soon passed and le Lantern Rouge proceeded onwards to join the remainder of the group.

The return journey was full of promise for the cyclist’s dream of flat roads and tail winds, only downside, there was no way to avoid the busy traffic on the A614 as we made our way to Cliffe Lane. At North Cliffe, with the wind firmly behind us, the Twenty’s Plenty sprung to mind. However, like any unwritten rules, there are often exceptions as we found ourselves touching 25+mph on the way into North Cave. Making the most of the helpful wind we carried on into South Cave where the “fun” came to an abrupt end as we headed uphill over “the clump” and the wind off the bow once more. 

At the bottom of Comberdale hill Matt and Mark headed directly back to Walkington, while the rest of us returned through Little Weighton and Risby road

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The “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness” continue to provide us with superb cycling weather and inspired ten knights to make the most of it and bask in the morning sunshine as we gathered around the Market Cross. Having recently returned from foreign travels celebrating his retirement, Mike put in his first appearance for some months. Summer bikes were still on show and even some daring to stick with shorts.

Our route saw us heading out of Beverley through North Bar and Molescroft Road with James setting the initial pace. Passing the Molescroft Inn, there was a distinct whiff of “fish & chips” wafting across the road. Not quite what you’d expect for breakfast!  Heather then found herself at the front and led the group up to the Dog Kennel roundabout before Pugwash set the pace into Cherry Burton. 

Passing through Etton we came upon a lone horse rider leading a second horse. While the first half of our group managed to pass, the remainder held back due to the skittish behaviour of the ‘led’ horse. When it was safe to pass the rider passed comment about “calling out” when approaching from behind. 

The knights regrouped at South Dalton where we took the Mere road leading onto Bracken. With a helpful wind we soon arrived at Cranswick. The pace picked up again as we headed for Skerne where James left the group to return home for an “early bath” while the remainder headed to Wansford. A bit more caution was required due to the road surface as we made our way along Carr Lane to the rail crossing at Outgates. It was interesting watching the many different ways of manoeuvring our bikes over/around the gates. It was around this time that Mike showed his lack of match fitness with “Are we nearly there yet?” Fortunately for him we were nearing Harpham so not long to wait for our coffee break. Unfortunately for him, he suffered a visit from the puncture fairy when approaching the final strait.

Expensive snack stop at Burton Agnes. A café that doesn’t cook eggs?

The Captain’s table, just discussing why Steve hasn’t got any sunglasses on today

The café at Burton Agnes was relatively quiet when we arrived and with the sun providing enough warmth we opted to sit outside. The earlier calls for “credit cards at the ready” were a little exaggerated. While the cost was higher compared with other cafes we attend, we did get crisps and salad along with the bacon buttie! Not sure that justifies the extra £2. Before setting off, we consulted Neil’s map to check the best return route. No matter which way round we looked at the map there was no way to avoid the head winds on the way back. 

Leaving Burton Agnes a few pounds(£) lighter all in team kit.

We set out towards Gransmoor, Great Kelk and Foston-on-the-Wolds. With regular changes of personnel on the front the pace remained high until reaching North Frodingham. A little additional assistance was given to Mike with Steve G giving verbal encouragement and a little shove from behind as we made our way to Brandesburton and back towards Tickton. How many more great rides can we have before the winter starts to bite. Looking forward to our next Sunday’s Spooktacular ride, weather permitting.

It was cool sunny autumnal morning as the fleet convened at Manor House. Our trading destination today was the Bike Cave at northerly port of Driffield as suggested by Greybeard the Pirate. A cheery mood, inspired by the perfect riding conditions, was prevalent as the motley crew set off to rendezvous with “Davy” Jones at Cherry Burton. A gentle wind coming from the port quarter assisted our progress as we sailed into Etton.

Heading along the main strait, a shout went up that our Rear Admiral Heather had suffered damage to her hull and had to be “careened” to effect repairs. Once suitably “caulked” and hull integrity restored, the fleet continued on passage towards South Dalton with Captain Pugwash setting the early pace. Passing along Mere Lane on a “broad tack”, Admiral Neil took up the lead until reaching the top of Bracken.  Sensing a good photo opportunity, Greybeard seized his chance to jump onto the front as we navigated our way through the narrow passage created by a local waste disposal vessel. Putting on our best “Aaaargh Jim lad” grins we sailed in formation passed the Admiral, who recorded the moment for posterity. 

Happy faces on the way to the Bike Cave

Greybeard relished his chance to dictate the pace, tacking our way along Burnbutts lane until passing (don’t mention) TJ’s. At Cranswick, we turned to then sail “before the wind” as we cruised along Meggison’s Turnpike and into Skerne. The fleet came to a brief stop outside Bell Mills Garden Centre, while the Admiral phoned ahead with our list of cargo requirements. Davey Jones saw this as a great chance to maintain his reputation and set off on his own to bag the first loading spot.

While the fleet were berthing their vessels, the Admiral was spotted checking out the local “bazaar” and trying to tempt Long John Sliver (Russel) with fluorescent yellow cycle shoes to complement the rest of his colourful ensemble. A similarly brash pair of blue shoes was also bandied about as potential club kit. During the cargo loading, the “despatches” from each vessel were read out. A mention for one vessel, not in attendance, was raised regarding his transgression of the “rules of the road” concerning his comments on Slack. This led to the jocular suggestion that we should introduce a “yellow card” system.

The return journey proved a more challenging effort as we sailed “close to the wind” while proceeding southwards towards Wansford and on to North Frodingham. The lead vessel changed frequently with Captain Pugwash, Captain Flint (Steve) and Long John Silver taking over from the Admiral. Davey Jones jumped onto the front after Wansford to set his own pace, while the rest followed astern in his wake. On the road into Brandesburton, Rear Admiral Heather and Captain Elizabeth Swann (Sharrin) took up the “cudgels” to lead the fleet onwards.

Despite the adverse head winds, good progress was made and we soon reached Leven and onto the cycle path back towards Tickton where everyone headed back to their home ports.

There was a distinct chill in the air this morning as the Master Painters gathered to compare their respective tools and equipment. Today was also the Beverley Food Festival with stalls aplenty set out all around the Market Cross. It would have been very tempting to just ride around the square and sample the wares before heading straight home, however Michelangelo (Pugwash) advised he’d hidden their Paint Pot at a seldom visited village called Elloughton. He went on to draw the outline of the route required to reach their element. Registered in today’s Master Class were  (Paul) Cezanne, David Hockney (Chris) and Claude Monet (Stephen) with some late additions turning up to swell the class numbers, Leonardo da Vinci (Jim) and Vincent van Gogh (Colin) followed finally by (Andy) Worhol.

Setting out over the Westwood, a brisk pace was set by Michelangelo in order to warm up quickly. Continuing on towards Newbald, Vincent and Monet took over the lead until reaching base camp at Col-de-Stoneknowle. Some of the class thought they’d sneak off and take the easy route to Cliffe road, however creating a masterpiece was never going to be so easy and off we set to reach the summit. At the steepest section there was lot of huffing and puffing from the young whippersnappers, at which point Leonardo and Michelangelo leapt onto the front leading to cries of “So much for help the aged” from Monet! The effort proved a little warming for Leonardo, who lacking the skill to go “no-handed” had to stop to remove his top layer, losing ground in the process.

The downhill sweep to Gardham was led by Andy Worhol with Michelangelo taking over at the bottom through the sprint challenge however, with no wind assistance, only a half-hearted effort was made. From Etton, we turned on to the Kiplingcotes road where we encountered the art of “mud wash”. Coupled with the overnight rain and tractor detritus it was time to proceed gingerly with the artists at the back suffering the most from splatter.

Next up was the Col-de-Arras hill with Cezanne taking up the lead role and Leonardo shadowing him closely. On reaching the downhill section into Sancton it was time for David Hockney, Cezanne, Monet and Worhol to “race” to the junction. After all the hill climbing it was time for more gentle slopes along Houghton lane leading to Cliffe road. The pace then picked up with lead changing hands several times on the way into North Cave. From there we followed a rather “abstract” route through South Cave, Ellerker and Brantingham before arriving at the Paint Pot. Standing outside the café, a comment was heard regarding the size of the frontage. Appearances are not everything and like the Tardis, more was revealed as Michelangelo led the class to the little suntrap around the back.

Even though the sun had come to shine on our endeavours, the class opted to “fill-in” inside the establishment where it was a tad warmer. After everyone had been served drinks, a further “flat white” was brought. The class looked around at each other with “not me” expressions until Leonardo, having already consumed an americano, sheepishly piped up “I think that’s for me”. Well I know Leo’s getting long in the tooth, but with “previous” for selective hearing we can now add a little colour blindness to his record. Perhaps we’ll all have to keep a closer eye on the coffee grabber.

Jim checking his sleeve for his next trick

Andy “Did you really drink my coffee?”

Setting off home it was a case of the High road or the not so high road. Fuelled by the extra caffeine boost, the charge up the Dale was led by Leonardo but was chased down by Cezanne. There had been mention of extending the class by heading down to Raywell, however on reaching the Riplingham road, Leonardo and Vincent indicated a preference for a more direct route home  This was quickly adopted by the rest of the class.

There was no mention of cheese ahead of today’s ride, however like mice lured into a trap, fourteen mice in knights clothing crawled out of the woodwork to follow the trail to the Cheese Shop in Howden including first timer baby knight Gary. The main gathering was Market Cross while others waited at Manor House to join the “mischief”.

The breadcrumb trail led the knightly mice to Walkington then via Bluestone Bottoms over the “clump” and down into South Cave. Passing through North Cave, the nest of newbie Gary, he must have thought “why didn’t I wait here, instead of driving all the way to Beverley?”. The “trip” then had to negotiate our way passed a myriad of “cats” attending the local “cat boot sale” as we progressed to Newport before the “scent” led the pack “down by the riverside” to Faxfleet. Along this section, the pack assembled across the road for a photo opportunity. I’m sure someone shouted “CHEESE!”.

The wind blowing the scent directly in our faces seemed to inspire some of the pack with an impressive pace being maintained all the way past Blacktoft to Yokefleet and onwards to Laxton. Progress ground to a halt at the Saltmarshe railway crossing where a number of “cats” lay waiting. Safely through the trap, the pack then headed to Skelton and Kilpin Pike before mobbing the Cheese Shop at Howden. “What! No Cheese?!…..in a ‘cheese’ shop?”. The mice had to settle for bacon sandwiches, scrambled eggs or cakes washed down with teas and coffees. Mind, there is always one who needs a few more calories with a vanilla latte, not mentioning any names though Matty Mouse.

Pauley Mouse went for the Jam & cream scone and looked a bit like the “cat who licked the cream”, which is not a good look in a pack of mice! He even tried to tempt some of us with little titbits from his plate. Lesley Mouse came up trumps when newbie Gary mouse had no cash but offered to treat her to make the minimum spend required to use his card for payment. Over in another corner, the army mice were busy planning tactics for defeating the navy mice at the planned golf tournament later in the week. No doubt they’ll come with a cat in the bag!

Reluctantly the mice had to leave the comfort and warmth of the café and head back to their nests. The return journey saw the pack at top speed with a tail wind heading to Eastrington and back towards Gilberdyke.  The “train” of mice scurrying along the main road through Newport and back to North Cave must have looked quite impressive to any passing cats. To reduce the chance of being attacked by said cats, the mice headed away from the main road and through Hotham Park before finding themselves at the South Newbald. Jimmy mouse opted to take the northerly route home while the rest took on the challenge of Trundlegate. Another split in the group came at the top when some opted to take the Walkington heads road while the remainder continued to Little Weighton.

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Attempts by the depleted group to set a new record up Risby hill were foiled when they came upon a group of cats stalking an elderly mouse and blocking the safe passage. Perhaps next time. A superb ride with all mice making it safely back to their nests.

Nothing like a bit of sunshine and light winds to bring all the knights out to play. “All right you horrible little softies” cried drill sergeant Raymond, “Seeing as you don’t like wind, let’s see how you get on with a few hills”. “We can head for Huggate, Huggate or Huggate” he yelled with a hint of a smirk on his face. “From there, we will head to Warter, Londesborough and Goodmanham”. “Yes sir!” responded all ten knights on parade at Manor House. 

Autumn colours on route to South Dalton

The squad set off in good spirits, catching up with those who’d not been seen for a while. The route march, saw us passing through Etton where the group had to wait for the rear guard to catch up, having been held up by traffic  at an earlier junction. The first climb of the day came on the way to Holme-on-the-Wolds, before heading into the wind towards Middleton-on-the-Wolds. Next up was the long seemingly never ending climb to North Dalton and Huggate, which saw the group becoming strung out. The gathering at the top of the climb was said to be more like a “mothers meeting” with everyone chatting away and no-one in any hurry to continue. 

The next section was a chance to recover and enjoy the thrill of the downhill into Warter. Neil took the opportunity to take some photographs by the duck pond, much

Mad dogs at Warter and they weren’t the cyclists

to the chagrin of two dogs in a nearby garden, who let rip with enough noise to wake the whole neighbourhood. Photoshoot over and it was time for the main climb up to Nunburnholme top. A few mutterings were heard at the bottom wondering why anyone would sign up for such torture. In the words of Corporal Jones “Some don’t like it up ’em hills”.

On the way down to Londesborough, we came across an army of children some 500 strong, many in fancy dress, out from their barracks at Market Weighton School on a 30 mile hike to raise funds for charity.

Market Weighton school turn out to cheer the knights

Heading in the same direction as the knights was a “Sherman tank” with a bull headed “commander” on board. Instead of enjoying the moment and showing some patience, he decided to take issue with the squadron leaders for having the temerity to block his passage and continued to harangue everyone even after the road had cleared ahead of him. Eventually some of our group pointed out the error of his ways only to have him to turn his vitriol towards us before roaring off into the distance.

Next challenge was Intake hill leading us towards Market Weighton and Goodmanham and chance for a repast at the Fiddle Drill café. Despite the bright sunshine, there was a chill in the air so we decided to commandeer some tables inside and rearrange the furniture to accommodate our number. Jim showed his selective hearing skills by claiming a black coffee which had been destined for Colin. Perhaps he’s out to take over from Neil as “trencherman extraordinaire”, mind you I think those with bacon sandwiches would be safe.

The Captain following behind contemplating the theme for todays ride

The great Raymondo leading the way on next years sprint section

Our return route saw us taking the Spring road returning to Etton. At the junction at the top of Etton ramp, a discussion ensued regarding the merits of using “Etton Mess” strava section for next years sprint challenge. All too soon it was time for everyone to head home. Wonderful weather, fantastic company and everyone looking forward to the next outing.