With Captain Jesus of Pugwash sacrificing himself and taking a well earned rest – apparently to rise again into the saddle on Sunday – it’s left to one of his apostles, Saint Michael, to take over blog duties this week.
It’s 9.30 on a bright if chilly morning, and Captain Jesus’ apostles are ready to ride to their last supper. But hang on, there’s only eleven of us. Judas has betrayed us. Well, we’re not waiting for him – we’ll have to set off with just the 11.
Saint Neil muses that it’s a funny time of year. You never know quite what to wear with the unpredictable weather. But it’s a special occasion and the apostles are looking fine in their blue and yellow attire – although some with long trousers may regret it later, with warm weather forecast.
So the eleven apostles head off towards Huggate anti-clockwise for optimum wind protection. And we have….
Saint David, Saint Jenny, Saint James, John the Apostle (he did actually exist!), Saint Matthew (so did he), Saint Heather, Saint Russell, Saint Stephen the Doubter, Saint Neil, Saint Mark the Hungover, Saint Michael
Heading the usual route to South Dalton, the apostles then take a delightful detour, heading East and then North to Kirkburn on a very traffic light road. Saint Heather takes to the front with Saint Michael and some gentle chit-chat made for a very pleasant ride. All going swimmingly until Saint Michael thinks the route to the Last Supper is left, and brakes accordingly (without signalling it has to be said). He soon feels the wrath of those behind (probably Saint Matthew) for braking unexpectedly and almost causing an unfortunate incident resulting in several apostles piling on top of each other. Disaster averted, and with sweaty psalms, the disciples begin their slog from Tibthorpe to Huggate. With Nunburnholme hill unanimously rejected, the apostles instead opt for the alternative, which is still a painful bugger.
The reward is a long descent into Market Weighton, before a weary uphill to The Fiddle Drill, where our now depleted apostles will consume their Last Supper, with John the Apostle, Saint David, Saint Jenny and Saint James diverting home.
Disaster – an alternative reality group of apostles are also enjoying their last supper and The Fiddle Drill are so busy they’re unable to provide poached Easter eggs. Saint Matthew has given up slushy green stuff for lent, and instead opts for a coffee. Saint Russel is thwarted in his attempts to quench his thirst, with his tea refusing to arrive. Unlike Saint Stephen, who keeps getting refills of coffee he didn’t order.
Saint Neil comes up with an idea to have a club helmet in blue and yellow, although this is quickly quashed by Saint Stephen, who didn’t share Saint Michael’s earlier enthusiasm. You can always depend on a newbie to be accommodating to new ideas, bad or otherwise….. To be fair, Saint Stephen has a point. As Saint Matthew declares, we can’t have the same helmets, we’d all be too close together….. Comedy gold!
Last Supper consumed and the last leg of our journey. The apostles arrive at Etton and Saint Neil orders his troops to catch up to the ‘man in yellow’. Saint Heather crucifies the rest of the troops, although doesn’t catch up this mysterious yellow man. Despite it being his order, Saint Neil the disciple lacked discipline and can’t be bothered to go through with it. Instead he watches Saint Heather’s, albeit in vain efforts along with the rest of us.
A lovely ride had by all and a reminder should we need it that retirement gives so much opportunity for cycling heaven. As Saint Neil says to Saint Mark who is considering early retirement, “because you get grumpy in retirement, it makes you happy”. Here’s to grumpiness!
Thanks fellow apostles for a great ride.