Toy Story

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Michael gathered his ‘toys’ in his makeshift ‘den’ at Etton (aka bus shelter). As he surveyed the assembled ‘crew’ he noted there was one missing. Just as he was about to begin a search party the final ‘toy’ ‘Roboto’ arrived. “Just before we go” said Michael “I’d like to introduce you all to the newest ‘toy’ ‘Teela'”. He then went on to outline the ‘activities’ for the day including an ‘assault on Bagpuss’. (He’s a very ‘naughty cat’)

The bunch set off towards Holme-on-the-Wolds with ‘HotWheels’ setting the early pace closely followed by ‘Han Solo’ and ‘Teela’. While negotiating our way through Lund ‘Skeletor’ got overexcited and managed to ‘throw a chain’. With no damage done, the lively bunch of toys continued to Middleton-on-the-Wolds. The going got a bit rough as we turned onto the climb up Warter road. Having jostled, bumped and shoogled around the numerous potholes the toys finally arrived at the top. “Come on!” cried Michael excitedly as we headed downhill to Dalton Dale.

Following a short break in the sunshine, the ‘toys’ set off at pace with a generally downhill run towards Warter with ‘Buzz Lightyear’ turning on his rocket boosters to post a fantastic top speed of 75.7 km/hr (47mph). Things calmed down somewhat when the gradient changed through Warter and the ‘toys’ faced a steady climb towards Kilnwick Percy. Michael once again couldn’t contain his excitement and started to push on before he’d reached the ‘real’ climb. Soon enough though Baggaby hill appeared in front of us looming like the sight of huge beer belly. 🍺 Cheers Michael! Taking the climb at our own pace, there were some who sounded like Darth Vader before eventually regrouping at the top. “Well I’d like to say I enjoyed that” said Skeletor with a rictus grin firmly across his face.

The pace picked up again as we headed down towards Pocklington. While working our way through the town there was a brief confusion about which way to go with some having a dance all the way round a roundabout. Once onto the Allerthorpe road, Barbie and Ken put in a superb performance to grab a QOM for Barbie.

Arriving at the cafe we found it was crawling with cyclists like ants around a termite mound. The queue snaked around so far it was difficult to find the end. Despite the long wait to order, the service was still very quick.

Leaving the cafe behind, we headed for Everingham and Harswell. Along this section there is the club time trial. Once again, Michael full of energy, tried to muster up some support for the TT effort. Unfortunately with the wind against nobody else was interested. “Well I’m doing it anyway” he declared joyfully. As we approached the start at Everingham Michael shot off leaving his ‘toys’ behind. There was a brief call of “Wait for me” as ‘Han Solo’ and ‘Hotwheels’ chased after in vain. Wind? What wind, Michael managed to post a very impressive time of 7:57 giving a speed of 37.7 km/hr (23.6 mph) and secure the overall best time this year. What might he achieve with the wind assisting?

Things began to settle down after that when the ‘toys’ adopted a more gentle pace as we continued to the Cliffe road. At this point ‘Johnny Seven’ left the group to return home via Sancton while the rest split into smaller groups for the dash to Common hill. Further splits in the group occurred at South Newbald with some opting to return home via Walkington heads while others took on the final frontier of Trundlegate. Overall we had a great day out with beautiful sunshine and light winds. What’s not to like?

ArRay of Senses

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Routemaster Ray was quick ‘off the blocks’ this week trying to ‘rustle up’ riders for Fridays trip to the Farm Shop at Hutton Cranswick for the presentation of the ‘Cafe of the Year 2025’ award. It was a good turnout with a dozen Knights appearing at the start at Tickton Grange. Despite ‘feeling’ the chill of the cool easterly wind and the drabness of the grey skies the group ‘felt’ in high spirits and keen to set off.

Shortly after the start, our nostrils were assailed with the aroma of freshly cooking meat from the burger van in the nearby carpark. With nobody tempted to stop, the group continued along the cyclepath towards Routh then up to the Whitecross roundabout. Todays route was mostly flat leading us out initially through Leven and Brandesburton. While heading towards Dunnington our ‘vision’ was surrounded with white and pink blossom of the cherry and apple trees together with the newly sprouting green leaves against the background of the bright yellow of the rape seed in the fields creating a cornucopia of colours making up for lack of sunshine.

On ‘touching’ Skipsea Brough we turned back inland with the wind now gently assisting from behind. After passing through Beeford we returned to the quiet peaceful rural road leading to the pretty village of Foston-on-the-Wolds. By the time we emerged again onto the Wansford road we were a little behind schedule. “Heather booked the table for 1130” advised Neil trying to instil a ‘sense’ of urgency. At this point the group split into two with the leading six, ‘smelling the coffee’, continuing at a brisker pace while the ‘grupetto’ arrived shortly after.

At the cafe counter, our eyes were agog at the delicious treats on display. While some resisted temptation opting for a more ‘sensible’ choice of fare, others indulged their sweet tooth. The table service seemed quicker than normal, in fact Russel’s latte arrived at the table before he’d sat down. All too soon, it was time to return home, however there was still the matter of the presentation.

Our route home followed the usual path through Bracken to South Dalton and Etton giving us all time to reflect on another great ride.

Schools Out!

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Todays ride was described as somewhat “lumpy like school custard” however this did not deter the dozen Knights who turned up for ‘assembly’ at Etton. ‘Headmaster’ Ray outlined the curriculum for the day starting with a ‘geography lesson’. “Do we all know the location of ‘Grannies Attic’ as we’ll be heading past there, then along the valley to Market Weighton”. When the ‘bell tolled’ 10am, the ‘class’ set off, ‘compass and map’ firmly established in mind, and headed for Kiplingcotes. With a gentle wind behind us, progress was relatively easy as we continued to Goodmanham.

The ‘first lesson’ ended when we reached the A614 roundabout. It was at this point that Heather ‘raised her hand’ to ask “Please sir, may I be excused? I need to get home”. While the rest of us prepared ourselves mentally for the upcoming ‘double maths’, Heather went to ‘revise’ the ‘geography’ course.

The next ‘lesson’ began almost immediately as we contemplated with enthusiasm the challenge ahead. We raced down the initial part of Intake Hill however things soon began to get tough as we wrestled with ‘logistics’ of ‘power’, ‘weight’ and ‘velocity’. The ‘class’ passed the ‘first test’ by reaching Londesborough before the ‘endurance factor’ crept into play as we continued up to the top of Nunburnholme. Just as Jim was about to complete his ‘task’ a ‘school bully’ in a ‘four wheeler’ almost sideswiped him by pulling out from a junction right into his path. If looks could kill…..

The first ‘maths lesson’ came to an end as we approached Bailey Lane. “It’s now time for a little break” advised the headmaster. While the we headed downhill on the ‘playground’, Paul W made his excuses and ‘ducked out of class’ to head home via Middleton-on-the-Wolds. At the same time Martin ‘snuck in the back door’ having played ‘catch up’. ‘Playtime’ however soon ended when we reached Warter and were then faced with the ‘grind’ up Mill Lane. ‘Percentages’ were the main ‘theme’ of the second ‘math lesson’ as we struggled with the ‘plusses’ and ‘minuses’ of the terrain. Matty earned a ‘gold star’ 🌟 as he led the ‘class’ into Huggate. The final ‘thesis’ before the lunch break involved the effects of ‘resistance’ as we turned into the wind towards Field Farm Cafe where Sharrin showed an impressive burst of speed ‘out of the classroom’ quickly followed by Matty.

With the temperature being a little cooler than last week the class opted to dine in the canteen, however there was a slight draft which saw many of the pupils grabbing the nearby blankets to keep warm. As we tucked into our ‘lunchboxes’ Colin and Michael turned up. “Sorry we’re late sir….” they whispered “but we’d like to join you for the next lesson”. It wasn’t long before the beginning of the afternoon ‘session’.

The first afternoon ‘lesson’ proved to be ‘religious instruction’. In the ‘beginning’ there was an ‘Exodus’ from the cafe then we all prayed for shelter from the wind while heading to Tibthorpe. Fortunately we had the ‘Numbers’ with the ‘Colossians’ taking to the front on the way to Bracken Lane. The last ‘lesson’ of the day consisted of ‘homework’ as we followed our usual route via South Dalton and Etton. Finally the ‘marks’ for the days ride gave a solid ten out of ten with gold stars 🌟 all round.

Hold Your Horses!

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The Knights maneuvered their “steeds” up to the “start line” at Etton ready for “the off”. It was a good turn out with fourteen riders ready to take part in today’s jolly. “Under starters orders!” called Ray…….”Hang on a minute Ray, there’s supposed to be an event on at the Field House from Friday to Sunday” advised Pugwash before adding “Something to do with hobby horses”. With some quick thinking Ray came up with a contingency plan. “OK if it’s too busy we’ll continue on to Farm Shop”. With that, the “field” set off towards Holme-on-the-Wolds.

At the “first turn”, the riders cantered along to Middleton-on-the-Wolds enjoying the warming sunshine and the chance to “catch up”. It wasn’t long before the “field” faced the first “hurdle” with a lumpy section to North Dalton.

On reaching the “back straight” the “field” spread out with Chad way out in front chased down by a “Trixie” of riders led initially by Pugwash before Martin took up the running while Dave 💧🏠 tucked in behind. Despite working up a “lather” the chasing pack made little headway in closing the gap before reaching Huggate.

After a brief stop, the ride continued towards Tibthorpe and the Field House Coffee Barn. While the “steeds” were put to rest in the corner of the barn, the riders donned their nosebags and headed out to bask in the sun. Much to the chagrin of Matty, looking around there was no sign of “hobby horses”, indeed the “crowd” seemed smaller than normal. An image of Matty prancing around on a hobby horse, Miranda like, would be enough to bring a smile to anyones face.

Suitably refreshed, the Knights mounted up once more and headed for the “home straight”. At the “Bracken turn” the “going” got a little rough but luckily the “field” managed to avoid any potholes and mishaps. Once over Bracken top, the riders went into a “gallop” as we descended through Bracken farm before continuing at a “canter” to South Dalton and back to the start line at Etton.

On returning home, Pugwash decided to check the wording of the “Event” to confirm it was to be held on Friday to Sunday. Turns out the days were correct but the date was in…….August 😳….oops. At least Matty can get some practice in before then!

Finding Daffy

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Raymond slowly raised his head above the parapet to check if the wind had died down after last weeks ‘hooley’. Feeling safe and confident he proposed a flat ride to go ‘duck hunting’ out east. “I’m sure the ‘forecasters’ had spotted daffy out on the inland hills” declared Matty strongly. Perhaps he was hoping the ride would head in his direction. Unfortunately for him everyone fancied a nice easy day in the saddle with the wind behind on the way back.

The ‘searchers’ gathered at Tickton to begin the foray into the east. It must have been the warming sun that brought the riders out of hiding like daffodils desperately seeking sunshine in spring. “Who are you?” asked someone facetiously when the rarely spotted Dave 💧🏠 and then Steve and Sharrin appeared

“Does everyone know where we’re going?” asked Raymond hoping we all knew the way to the Spotted Duck before outlining his preferred route. The ‘bakers dozen’ set off towards Routh at a leisurely pace however as we turned towards Meaux it was suggested to split into groups which seemed to happen quite naturally with some ‘pushing on’ while others tried to maintain a more leisurely pace.

” 🎶They seek him here, they seek him there🎶” we saw them daffies everywhere, glowing like golden globes, lighting our way to Skirlaugh then on to Old Ellerby and Burton Constable. It seemed like we were all on ‘autopilot’ as we ‘scoured’ left, right, left, right to Humbleton with nobody asking directions. “Anyone ‘spotted’ it yet?……Oh there it is” said no-one.

Arriving at the cafe ‘daffy’ asked “Do you want inside or outside?” With the slightly chilly easterly wind we opted to stay indoors. Following a pleasant break it was time to head back. “Which way are we going home?” Raymond asked the attentive crowd. “Well I’m going via Hornsea” stated Colin with a hopeful glance around for some ‘mile munching’ co-conspiritors. While everyone ‘swiped left’ back to Humbleton, Colin-no-mates ‘swiped-right’ to Garton on his way to Aldbrough.

With the wind firmly at our backs the pace began to creep up led by SteveG maintaining a strong pace. There was just no stopping him even with a shout from behind “There’s a gap at the back!”. Well if you can’t stop him.. join him as he held the front all the way to Sproatley. When we turned onto the back road round Burton Constable we were greeted by “ROAD CLOSED”. Fortunately we were able get through with the first section newly tarmacked while the rest was still being worked on.

At Coniston, Pugwash managed to take up the front spot as we rode through Swine but it was not long before SteveG took up the running again pressing on to Benningholme Lane and continuing without pause all the way to Meaux Lane. “Is he on a promise?” asked someone. “No, more like he’s worried about the wrath of Jen and being sent to the ‘naughty step’ for being too late home” suggested another.

After splitting into three separate groups we headed north to Routh where we returned together to Tickton to end a very pleasant ride in beautiful conditions and great company.

Is This Friday?

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I’m not sure what “juice” Raymond was on but in his “call to arms” he posed the question “is next Friday tomorrow or is tomorrow this Friday?” Perhaps he’d been reading the latest from the books of Phil O’Sophy. 🤔 Colin was first to take the bait declaring that “if tomorrow is ‘next’ Friday then ‘this’ Friday doesn’t exist”.

Whatever you want to call it ‘this’ Friday saw a great turnout at Walkington pond for a sunny, windy hilly ride to Goodmanham. “I don’t want to hear any complaints about Middlehowe road” declared Raymond before we set off towards High Hunsley. Turning onto the much maligned road, the condition of the road surface was the least of our concerns as we headed directly into the wind. At some points it felt as if we’d just entered a wind tunnel so it was a relief to reach the junction at Whin Lane where we “bumped” into a “bevy of beauties” heading the opposite way. Not that I’m biased in any way…🫡🥰

There was then some respite as we headed downhill on Burgate to North Newbald but still with the wind whistling in our ears. On turning back onto Beverley road the silence was almost deafening and extremely welcome as we tackled the climb up Stoneknowle hill.

After regrouping we continued on to Gardham and Etton with the wind now giving a gentle “shove” on our backs. By the time we reached Etton it was felt we were running a little late to arrive at the cafe in time for our reservation so decided to change the route by proceeding via Kiplingcotes instead of Holme-on-the-Wolds. Either way it was going to be tough into a head wind.

On arrival at the Fiddle Drill we were joined by Colin and Jim who’d followed their own route. When we were all suitably refreshed the now fourteen strong “Order” of Knights set off to return home. Fortunately the wind was generally behind as we headed for Holme-on-the-Wolds.

“Ooh, this is a great chance to have a go at the club sprint” suggested Neil. “We’ll set off in 20s intervals so there is no drafting”. Neil led the way as we departed from the Kiplingcotes junction in dribs and drabs and with varying degrees of enthusiasm for the ‘challenge’ ahead. Well done Neil for setting the initial benchmark for the year. Game on….

Things calmed down after that as we had an easy run into Holme-on-the-Wolds before making our way home through South Dalton and Etton. Despite the wind it was a very pleasant day out in great company.

And The Winner Is….

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The “runners and riders” gathered at the start in Etton ready for Raymond’s extravaganza of hills and thrills. After our “host” outlined the days proceedings the “show” got underway.

The “opening act” of the day saw the Knights climbing up on the stage to Holme-on-the-Wolds with a gentle breeze and a watery sun at our backs. After gathering at the top, the “entertainment” continued with a gentle “rendition” leading the troupe to Middleton-on-the-Wolds. With the “warm up acts” completed we were ready for the next climb to North Dalton where the troupe split in two groups.

The larger group continued upwards to Huggate while a smaller breakaway headed for Bainton. While the breakaway battled into the wind the main group continued to gently climb. Heather set off as pace maker with everyone else happy to wallow in “the accolades” behind her until nearing the top when Matty decided to push on a bit quicker leaving the rest to decide if they should follow or not. On reaching the top, we stopped briefly to bask in the warm sun and reflect on our pleasant ride so far.

After the short “interval” we headed towards Tibthorpe and then realised our easy climb had been wind assisted. The next “act” was a bit like “dueling banjos” as Puggy and Matty vied for the “limelight” cutting their way through the wind at the front. “Well that was hard work” we all agreed. However our work was not yet done as we continued to Kirkburn.

There was some confusion as we reached the first “turn” to Southburn. Some carried on regardless to the next junction ignoring the advice that the road was closed. Some people just love to find a way through closed roads! 😂 Luckily on this occasion it was accessible for cyclists. There were some sighs of relief when we reached Hutton Cranswick and found some protection from the wind, then finally the moment we’d all been waiting for…. the winner of the Beverley Knights Cafe 2024 is…..Hutton Cranswick Farm Shop!

When it came time to return home Raymond asked which way we should go home. The wind direction became the deciding factor as we’d have the wind behind on the way to Bracken. Later when the “troupe” were approaching the pond on Mere Lane there was a shout from behind “Car Back!” After singling out Neil waved the vehicle through. However what we didn’t expect was a large truck pulling a trailer loaded with portaloos almost squeezing us off the road in the process. We had such a fright (at least I did) that those portaloos would have come in handy! Still, it did nothing to dampen the enjoyment of what was a wonderful day out and well attended.

A Tale of Two Rides

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“It was the best of rides, it was the worst of rides…” Which one were you on? I suppose it depends on whether you’re in for the “long haul” or a “Hedge Fun” manager. The “long haulers” met up at “a different time and a different place” with the intention of meeting up at the cafe. Meanwhile the “Hedge Funders” congregated at Tickton Grange to celebrate the return of Ray (“Dalio”) from his “winter training camp” 🕶🍹🍻⛱️.

Ten Knights “invested” in the “shorting” following the usual route out to Leven and Brandesburton before taking the “standard deviation” via Dunnington to Skipsea Brough. After continuing through Beeford the “investors” found themselves with some “directional exposure” as there was a certain amount of “liquidity” reported on the road to Foston-on-the-Wolds. Shortly after clearing the mud strewn section, Neil suffered a “run on his fund” causing his tyre to deflate.

Repairs complete, the “investors” continued through Wansford and Skerne before pitching up at Hutton Cranswick Farm Shop. While the group were enjoying the “fruits of their investments” the five “long haulers” turned up dripping in sweat and looking exhausted having completed a hilly 40 miles. “Where have you been then?” enquired someone cheekily.

When it was time for the “investors” to leave, we left the “long haulers” to finish refuelling. While returning along Burnbutts Lane we encountered a ROAD CLOSED sign. “Now where do we go?” As we discussed options, Heather set off to see if there was a way through. Full of enthusiasm, she returned with the news that yes there was a way past the road block but “we’d have to go around the farm house“. Merrily we followed along behind her, however as we approached the road block expecting to find a farmyard or similar it was with dogged determination that Heather “ploughed” on through the farmer’s field while the rest followed like 🐑 🐏 🐑. As if that wasn’t bad enough we were suddenly confronted by a prickly hedge blocking the way.

Now we know what it is like to be be dragged through a hedge! “Who’s idea was this anyway?” was the general consensus not looking at anyone in particular. I’m not sure this sort of off-roading was included in the risk assessment. (At least the “long haulers” saw sense and took the alternative route.) Once safely back on the road we carried on with the ride returning home on our usual route via Bracken, South Dalton and Etton. The temperature had become quite pleasant with the sun making a bid for freedom through the clouds creating perfect cycling conditions and despite the “hedging”, the ride was most enjoyable and gave us all something to remember.

Mr Blue Sky

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🎶 Hey there Mr Blue! We’re so pleased to be with you… Everybody smiles at you 🎶 After weeks with the “curtains shut” the sun finally came out to play. Unfortunately it’s taken a little longer for the temperature to play along. As we gathered in the bus shelter by Walkington pond the heat generated by the early morning sun made it feel more like the Mediterranean. Six Knights set off on Matt’s proposed route to Gilberdyke facing a head wind all the way.

The initial leg took us over some undulating terrain to Little Weighton before continuing along Rowley road to Riplingham. After a final climb on Lambwell hill it was time for a long downhill on Elloughton Dale. After regrouping at the bottom there was a pause while the chatter flowed like a bunch of sailors swapping sea stories. In fact if we’d hung around much longer we be in danger of a parking ticket.

Leaving Elloughton behind, the pace picked up as the group headed along the flatter roads on the way to Ellerker and Broomfleet where we negotiated the potholes like someone picking their favourite sweets from a jar while dodging the rest. The “pick’n’mix” continued after leaving the Brickyard where we continued to work our way through more of the “sticky toffees” and “crunchy bits” on the way to Faxfleet. Eventually there was nothing left except the “smooth centres” leading us to Blacktoft…….and that’s where it all went wrong.

With Puggy on the front, he turned off following a sign clearly stating Gilberdyke this way only to be later “hauled before the judge” accused of stealing part off the route. “Sorry m’lud were we supposed to go via Yokefleet?” he enquired sheepishly. “I can only plead guilty but in my defence m’lud you did say we’d be in the cafe at 1145 and I believe we arrived bang on time”. As judge Matty donned his “Blacktoft” to pronounce sentence he announced “Your punishment will be deferred to later on the ride”

At the Gilberdyke Garden centre we were met by Geoff updating us on his recovery progress while we tucked into our various food choices. When it was time to return home we were pleased to have the wind behind us. It was like someone had added “battery assist” as we easily cruised along through Newport at 20mph and onwards to North Cave. After breezing through Hotham we arrived at South Newbald.

“Right it’s time for your punishment” declared the judge as he produced a rope binding us all together. “It’s Trundlegate for you” he ordered. As we climbed “the gallows steps” the strain of “the rope” began to bite deep before “the threads” started to unravel. Sean was first on the way with Puggy desperately trying to “hang” on behind only to “drop off” as the climb hit the steep section. Colin showed some resilience as he “danced” his way upwards trying to avoid “the drop” as he set off in pursuit of Sean. On reaching the end of Whin Lane we stopped to recover and regroup while reflecting on our individual sense of achievement.

The final leg of our journey was an easy downhill with the wind behind back to the start point at Walkington. It was a pleasure to finally be out on a ride and not feel cold. Long may it last.

Desperately Seeking Sunshine

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You remember that big orange ball that appears in the sky 🌞 bringing warmth and happiness. Yes?… well you could be forgiven if not, as in our little neck of the woods, we’ve been shrouded for days…even weeks with a dull grey blanket of cloud. Some Knights even headed off abroad in the search for the “golden snitch” while the rest of us continue to shiver at home praying for some respite from the freezing damp conditions. With the “heating” turned off, the temperatures have stubbornly refused to rise much above freezing curtailing the attendance at our regular club rides.

There has been a number of intrepid Knights who have ventured out over the last couple of weeks but most of us have been in hibernation, like brown bears 🐻 waiting for the spring, avoiding any chance of “dicing on ice”, preferring to find solace and self-flagellation on a turbo-trainer in our “pain cave”. Today however our prayers were answered and the temperature soared to a balmy 15⁰c. Unfortunately “someone” must have thought it was a bit too hot and turned the fan on full blast. The wind turbines have been spinning round like whirling dervishes creating enough energy to power a rocket 🚀.

“The wind is just about on my max threshold” declared Michael 💪 “but I’m willing to give it a go” hoping to encourage others along. I suppose you do need someone to hide behind when the going gets tough. Not to be outdone, Colin decided to join in the “fun” (can’t have others racking up the miles without him). “Have you any last wishes Colin?” enquired Jim with tongue firmly in cheek. Perhaps he wanted Colin to gift him his bike in the event of the wind scooping him across the Styx. With the forecast giving wind speeds of 24mph gusting to 40mph there were no other “takers”.

Undeterred by all the doom laden warnings ⚠️ 🌬 the two set out from Market Cross straight into the teeth of the wind as they made their way south to Elloughton. They had some respite and assistance over the next leg when they headed westerly through North Cave to North Cliffe before turning towards Bielby. Instead of continuing to Allerthorpe they had a change of plan and turned to Hayton, Burnby then Londesborough before stopping off at the Fiddle Drill in Goodmanham.

After spending 3½ hours in the saddle they managed to cover around 50 miles although not without incident. Turns out Michael is determined to retain his 👑 as the Puncture King by suffering yet another flat. He did manage to impress Colin with his prowess in changing the inner tube. To be fair, he’s had plenty practice!! 😂 What was most impressive though, was the way Michael removed the thorn by sinking his teeth into the tyre like a man relishing a juicy steak 🥩 before spitting out the gristle. What’s more, he managed to put the tyre back on without levers (the power of the thumb 👍). All that time on YouTube has not been wasted then!

Hopefully I’ll see you all out on the road soon.