“Weather forecast good for the morning……. atishooooo” said Sneezy. “Route to be depend…. achooo” sniffle sniffle. Doc offered some sage advice regarding his favoured curative in the form of a glass of hot whiskey. Given the typos, he may have been ahead of him on that front.

Sure enough as the morning arose, the sky was grey but no immediate sign of rain. Sneezy cried off suffering from… well a dose of sniffles. Turning up at Market Cross, the dwarves were met by “Wait a minute, is that Snow White?” “No my name is Steph and this is my Prince Gary. Can we join you for today’s ride?”

Turning out for today’s ride was Dopey Dave, Sleepy Steve, Bashful Barry and errrr Michael. Well he’s always Happy to ride whatever the weather. The route was first suggested by Dopey with some amendments from Sleepy. Heigh ho off we go.

Heading out by the enchanted woods the merry band made their way to Newbald then on to Hotham. On reaching the Cliffe Road it was time for single file with each taking turns on the front. In no time at all we arrived at Market Weighton. It was only a short hop from there to the Fiddle Drill at Goodmanham.

Happy was somewhat disappointed as eggs were not available for some reason, so settled for a plate of beans on toast instead. Dopey had to leave his rocky road tray bake, I’m sure it had seen better days. Never mind, the coffee was good and Snow White and Prince Gary kept us entertained with tales of “far far away land”.

The return journey saw the band heading for Holme-on-the-Wolds. Along the Cross Gate Road a large lorry came from behind. Being a narrow road the shout went out to pull over at the junction to Enthorpe to allow him pass safely, unfortunately Sleepy, true to his name, had fallen asleep at the wheel and carried on. The noise of a great big diesel engine at his rear must have woken him up as he then pulled over onto the grass.

A bit further along the road, Michael was so Happy with his newly installed turbo-charger, that he burst onto the front. In fact he was so Happy he behaved like a little kid, splashing in all the puddles. Unfortunately the rest of us were treated to impromptu shower, as his “mudguard”, while protecting his own backside, offered as much protection as a chocolate fire guard for anyone following behind.

From Holme-on-the-Wolds, we took our usual route home through Etton and Cherry Burton. The forecasters were correct as the rain started just as we arrived home.

In the absence of the Admiral, Captain Pugwash stepped up to suggest today’s route. “Right then me hearties, all hands on deck! A North westerly wind is forecast for the day, so we’ll set course to Huggate.” At two bells of the forenoon watch the nine strong fleet assembled at the home port of Market Cross.

“Anchors Aweigh!” was the cry as we set off along the Newbald Road taking us to Cherry Burton. Facing into the head wind we continued on a “close haul” through Holme-on-the-Wolds and the long slog from Middleton-on-the-Wolds, North Dalton to Huggate. Despite the adverse wind, the clipper ships at the front maintained a strong pace while the some of the fleet scattered like the Spanish armada. On regrouping at the Wetwang junction, it was time to “gybe” and run out full sail.

Heading to Tibthorpe, with the wind off the port quarter and heading generally “downstream” the pace picked up as we cut through the ocean like a hot knife through butter. There was a little turbulence along the way as we encountered a section of road akin to the moon surface. From Tibthorpe, the fleet continued to Southburn and Cranswick before calling in for refuelling at the farm shop.

Taking a seat in the cafe, the “Captain” noticed the long line of Knights at the counter almost reminiscent of a similar queue in a comedy film. Just needed someone to start dancing. Chris eventually came over to the table with a face as long as a horse’s nose. Having asked for chips he was told “I’ll have to see” so settled for a scone instead. What she probably said was “I see no ships”

Heading back out into the cold was a reminder that winter is not so far away. The first section of the Bracken road, found us battling our way into the wind once more, this time on the starboard bow until turning south. Following familiar routes the fleet returned to port retracing our outward course.

Finally I must thank all those assisting an underpowered captain along the way including a special thanks to Stephen for taking the lion’s share of the wind.

Following extensive debate on the subject of mudguards, it was time to make a decision. Do we leave the house with mudguards or do we leave without mudguards. There are some who are holding out as long as possible, hoping for a “members” vote on the subject to “reaffirm” the decision already made, while others wish to remain “as they are” regardless. Whatever happens, we will be leaving on time “do or die”!

An indicative vote among today’s five riders saw a narrow majority with mudguards. Although the skies were dry, some road surfaces still had some residual wetness and detritus. It was noticeable how quickly those without mudguards “volunteered” to bring up the rear.

Our destination today was the Mere Cafe at Hornsea. Setting off from Market Cross, we wound our way through town to the Weel Bridge and on to Tickton where we picked up the cycle path to Leven. Mindful of earlier incidents everyone maintained a careful vigilance.

Having espoused the merits of his Wahoo bike computer earlier, Stevie G must have felt a little red faced when said unit decided to abandon ship and rattle down the road, scuttling along like rat in the scuppers. After retrieving the errant unit, we headed off once more, passing through Leven and Brandesburton making our way towards Bewholme.

The next leg leading to Hornsea was somewhat tougher as we turned into the cross wind. With the “mudguarders” taking turns at the front we made good time, arriving at the cafe just as the sun came out to greet us.

On leaving the cafe, we continued south towards Mappleton before turning directly into the wind as we made our way through quiet roads to Great Hatfield and Long Riston. Funny how even a slight incline can feel like a mountain as you battle into the wind. The final leg of our journey saw us passing through Meaux to Routh with a short “break” to enjoy the sunshine as Stevie G stopped to take a phone call. How did we ever manage without mobiles?

There was a whole lot of buzzin’ going on after King Bee issued the route for Friday’s ride. Beeverley, Brandesburton, Bewholme, Bike Cave and back by Bracken. All he wanted to know was “How many Bees were coming?” Instead, the Friday Bee channel was hijacked by chatter about some misguided dog.

Friday morning saw eight Bees swarm around outside the hive at Market Cross before setting off across town to the Weel Bridge to Tickton. The mood was jolly as we kept a moderate pace along the cycle path towards the White Cross roundabout. On reaching the junction at Routh, one “Bee who shall not be named 🌊🏠” having failed to read the despatch order, suddenly veered onto the road to turn towards Benningholme but quickly returned to the echelon following shouts from King Bee.

Such was the confusion caused, that several other Bees tried to follow. “Baaaaah, woah look out for that dog!” Unfortunately a moments lapse in attention led to a tumble resulting in a trip to the hospital for Russ. King Bee escorted him back before trying to rejoin the swarm.

Meanwhile, the rest of the swarm continued but with a lot less “buzz” than earlier. “Is that a spot of rain I feel?…… no it’s just the spray from the wet road thrown up by those without mud guards.” Back on script, we made our way through Brandesburton and while on the way to Bewholme we came across a beautiful display of pumpkins laid out at Wreathall farm.

Next stop for the Bees was Beeford where the road was closed for resurfacing. Fortunately we were able to find our way through to North Frodingham. Shortly after, Barry Bee felt somewhat deflated and had to stop to repair a puncture. It’s amazing how much pressure you feel when your mechanical skills are being closely observed by your fellow Bees!

Job done and we’re on our way once more. Next stop Bike Cave. Buzzing around the bike shop, the Bees were like kids in a sweet shop. “I want, I want, I want” “Don’t look Matty Bee”. Once we’d had our fill of “pollen” it was time to head back.

With the wind now behind us progress was a little easier as we flew over Bracken to Bishop Burton and finally back to Beeverley.

Sheriff Raymondo assembled the posse of eight at Manor House. “Right men, our fugitive is hiding out o’er them ther’ ‘ills, in a saloon called Fiddle Drill”. As he was outlining the route, Matty the Kidder arrived in his covered wagon bearing his damsel. After agreeing to join the posse he’d said he’d meet with us later.

General Neil led the way out towards Newbald alongside sheriff Raymondo followed by “Sheep” Russeller and “Lil Miss” Lesley, “Six Horses” Heather and “Chippy” Chris then hanging on the rear were Captain “Calamity” and “Robber” Steve. Just as we were approaching the turn to Stoneknowle, a fugitive was spotted at full gallop as he passed our posse. “After him! Don’t let him get away!” cried the sheriff. Bringing all six horses into play, Heather shot off in hot pursuit along with the General. All to no avail however as he managed to give us the slip.

After regrouping it was time to head down from the “Gardham mountain” towards Low Gardham ranch and on to Etton where Matty the Kidder was waiting, fully booted and spurred with his recently repaired steed. It’s OK Matty, we won’t mention the cost, your secret is safe with us….. ahem!

The now nine strong posse (well that spoilt my title) headed up Dalton ramp before turning into the wind along the Kiplingcotes road and eventually tracking north along the Middleton road before circling back towards Goodmanham. Having surrounded the “saloon” the sheriff called out “Come out with your hands up! We don’t want any trouble!” No response, I suppose we better head in there.

After a brief tussle at the counter and some rearrangement of the furniture we settled down to enjoy the proceeds of our capture. While regaling each other with tales of daring-do, the doors swung open and deathly hush fell around the canteen as the “Wild Bunch” strode in covered in logos of the Velo Cafe. “OK boys we don’t want no trouble here” said the barkeep while happily pocketing their hard earned cash.

It was then time to make our getaway to try and get back to “Dodge” before the rain. Taking the shortest way along the Spring Road back to Etton we were grateful that we’d managed to get out and stay dry this far. Our luck soon ran out however, as the light rain turned moderate forcing a quick donning of rain capes. The final part of the ride may have been rather damp but did not dampen spirits.

“Ahoy there me hearties”! “Captain on deck”! ‘Twas on the good ship Venus, I’m sure you must have seen us, huffing and puffing over the hill, following a route that was just pure genius……..

We had a civic reception at Market Cross for the four who gathered there. Well what else would the mayor and his wife be there for? “Oh just putting up some bunting”. Oops, time to depart. The ride must start on time after all.

Dave 🌊🏠 took up flagship duties as we set off over the Westwood toward Manor House to hook up with the rest of the fleet. Captain Greybeard made the executive decision on the route. As he gave a run down, a small tear😢 appeared in his eye. Not sure if it was tears of laughter at the thought of all the hills he’d chosen for us to climb or tears off sorrow for the effort to come.

The fleet set off to North Newbald into a light head wind. Enjoying the sunshine we sailed on through South Newbald to Hotham. Nearly lost one of our vessels along the way, as an enemy ship in the form of a tractor tried his best to give Greybeard a full broadside. Once on the Cliffe Road, we now had the wind astern. Time to unfurl the main sails as we made good progress to the junction for Sancton.

Soon enough we reached the first big challenge of the day. “Shuddering Sharks” cried Pugwash “Look at the teeth on that” as we set off up Sancton hill. Nice and steady does it. Ten minutes later we are all safely on the crest of the wave. Time for the surf board down the other side as we headed down Kiplingcotes lane.

Next up was the short ramp up to Kiplingcotes race course followed by a steady incline ending with another short 8% ramp. Heading towards the Fiddle Drill, another enemy ship, impatient to overtake, tried to broadside Greybeard once more.

After our cafe stop, it was time to head home. With the wind behind once more, we made swift progress to Holme-on-the-Wolds before making our way through South Dalton, Etton and Cherry Burton. “🎶And now the end is near, its time face the final Burton🎶” Bishop Burton that is. A great route, wonderful company and super sunny weather. What more can we ask for? Same again next week?

Craster to Rothbury

And on the third day, they arose from their bed and ascended unto their bikes, well.. not until they’d had a decent breakfast. Given the relative amount of ascending on today’s journey, we were going to need it.

The predicted mild weather did not come to fruition but instead we were faced with cool temperatures feeling even colder with a bracing head wind. The initial part of the journey took the troops towards Alnwick, the county town of Northumberland taking its name from the river Aln.

If anyone was wondering what kind of terrain we were to be faced with, the short 11% climb up Clayport bank near Alnwick Gardens was only a warm up. Dave 🌊🏠 taking the best time. Confusion arose again when the leading group failed to understand “take the first right” and had to be called back to the Lemmington crossroads. After climbing for the previous couple of miles, the 8% descent provided some exhilaration for all the effort.

The climbing soon resumed and coupled with the head wind, it made the going quite tough. Turning south-west near Whittingham we followed the old roman road towards Lorbottle. While passing Callaly, it was finally time for Mike to stop and change his inner tube, not to mention a breather for everyone.

Repairs complete, the journey continued through Cartington and Thropton before reaching the cafe stop at Rothbury. A small town on the river Coquet with a population of around 2500. Only one small cafe was open and it was quite busy so we headed for a nearby pub (as you do). The Queen’s Head provided us with our own private room and ample bike parking space. What more could we ask for. “Barry Manilow live in concert?” Funny you should say that.

The return route, while still quite hilly, was tempered by the now following wind. The first climb out of Rothbury is Cragpit Hill, 5km at average 4. 4% with ramps up to 17%. This time Mark claimed the best time.

Returning to Alnwick, Neil and Mark got held up when the pedestrian crossing lights changed against them. When they realised it was Carol 🌊🏠 they started to jokingly harangue her for forcing them to stop. A couple of elderly ladies on the opposite side seemed quite shocked at the “abusive cyclists” not knowing that they were all “friends”.

Later back at the ranch, there was a long queue to use Alison’s massage machine to relieve aching muscles. It was also time to replenish liquid levels before heading out to dinner at the renowned Jolly Fisherman pub.

After a wonderful meal we all returned back to Dunstan Hall with a final attempt to polish off the remaining “refreshments”. Music and jokes abounded as we celebrated our last evening of a brilliant weekend. Already looking forward to the next one. Suggestions anyone?

Craster to Beal

It had been hoped to visit Holy Island during our tour of Northumberland unfortunately the tidal crossing times were not in our favour so had to settle for a cafe stop at Beal instead.

Setting off north with the wind generally behind us, we made swift progress through Embleton and Beadnell before a comfort break at Seahouses, a coastal village boasting no fewer than three Fish and Chip shops. It is also the goto destination for boat trips to the nearby Farne Islands.

Further up the road we came to Bamburgh where we paused to admire the imposing vista of Bamburgh Castle.

Continuing along the coast, we passed through Budle, Warren Mill and on to Belford where we came to our first challenge of the day with North Bank Hill averaging around 10%. Chris managing to bag the best time to the top.

Our cafe stop was the Barn at Beal offering wonderful views of nearby Holy Island and back down the coast to Bamburgh.

The return route took our troops further inland however chaos ensued almost immediately as the instruction to cross directly over the A1 fell on deaf ears when the “lead” bunch headed back the way they came and everyone else behaved like sheep, ignoring the inner voice saying “I’m sure Neil said straight across” . A quick phone call from Neil then advised them of the “error of their way”.

Further confusion arose when the lead bunch making their way back to join Neil and Heather came to a junction. “Now which way do we go?” was the forlorn cry as they failed to notice the Neil’s directional arrow accompanied by “BK” in large letters scratched on the ground even though they’d run directly over it.

On the way back to Belford the group tackled the Bowden Doors climb with gradients varying between 3-6% and occasional ramp up to 7-10%. Heather managed to grab Strava “Queen of the Mountain”, yet another to add to her collection. Chapeau!. Shortly after that climb, Sarah became unwell (“nothing to do with the previous evening” she said) and had to abandon. Fortunately Knights International Rescue team was on hand in the form of Alison to collect her and the bike. While on her way a further emergency call came in to advise that Matt had suffered a “mechanical” and would have to abandon as well.

On return to the house, coffee and cake had been laid out on the table. Not just any cake though, a birthday cake kindly decorated by Alison to celebrate Chris’s upcoming birthday. A chorus of happy birthday and it was time to dig in.

Later when everyone had changed it was time to head off to the Jolly Fisherman pub for a quick pint before returning to sample the three different curries available.

After dinner it was time for more fun and games. First up was Heather’s game of “guess the person”. Two teams firstly trying to guess who was being described, the 2nd round using only one word then the 3rd round by miming. Much hilarity ensued at the various antics used to convey the identity.

Next up was Sarah’s game of “humbug” where each person had to hum a tune from a card for the others in the team to guess. Cue further amusement as people struggled to find the right tune.

By this time, Neil being gutted by finding himself on the losing end once more, decided to be quiz master instead while we played a round of “guess the intro”. Vicky had us all in stitches with her puppy like antics as she became so enthusiastic that she even answered for the opposing team.

Rounding off the evening we had a number of songs from Pugwash, Neil and Sharrin with the “piece-de-resistance” being led by Sarah as she had us all waddling around the table like a bunch of emporer penguins.

Day 1 Friday the 13th

With such an auspicious date coupled with a full moon you’d be forgiven for wondering about ghostly goings-on in our weekend abode of Dunstan Hall near Craster. A property dating back to the 13th century and full of rich history. It was not creepy at all in the full light of day apart from the few eight legged creatures making an occasional appearance. Cue Neil and his hoover removals team. In the dark though it was a different prospect but more of that a bit later.

For those planning to ride today, it was arranged to meet at lunch time and head off for “wee tootle” down the coast to Amble and back. The weather held fair as we followed the route taken by the Tour of Britain. Lucky for them they had closed roads, however for us, the constant stream of traffic queuing up behind us spoilt our pleasant outing (and no doubt led to few curses from irate drivers). Little did we know that on the other side of the roadside hedge was a perfectly good cycle path. Duh!

On reaching Warkworth we decided to stop and have our refreshments instead of continuing further to Amble. Basking in the sunshine below the impressive motte and bailey Warkworth Castle we repaired to the appropriately named Sun Hotel before returning back to Dunstan.

As everyone began to congregate in the “snug” the conversation turned spiritual with each recounting tales of ghostly sightings while others pooh-poohed the whole idea. It did get a bit scary when Sarah started reading out some of the entries from the comments book with references to “friendly” ghosts making appearances.

A bit later it was time for fun and games. Enjoying the late afternoon sun we all sat outside in the garden with our refreshment of choice and a few peanuts to tide us over till the steaks arrived. Some hilarious antics and banter ensued as we all took part in a game of molkky By the time “bragging rights” had been established, the “dinner bell” sounded.

Wonderful steaks provided courtesy of Stephen filled the plates as well as the bellies. As the wine and beer flowed the raucous level slowly increased until the “chairman” rattling his glass brought a sense of order before running through the weekend agenda. Normal service was then resumed. Mark became an early contender for the “Mr Grumpy” award after casting aspersions about the musical tastes of some of the group as each person nominated a favourite song to be played.

At some point during proceedings the lights “failed” as a ghostly apparition appeared in the doorway. Kevin’s attempt to scare Sarah seemed to work (at least momentarily) much to the hilarity of everyone else.

The day’s “Mrs Grumpy” award was eventually awarded to Vicky following a further tirade concerning the choice of music. The “Mrs Happy” award went to Carol after displaying her prowess with a PINT of gin and tonic. A great start to our weekend away.

Sundays club ride saw the Knights set out towards Etton to tackle the 2018 hill climb challenge over Gardham to North Newbald. From South Newbald the route passed through Hotham the North Cave before looping back along the Cliffe Road to Market Weighton.

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The return route took the Knights to Holme-on-the-Wolds before returning to Beverley via Etton.