And not a “Foreigner” in sight (unless north of the border falls into that category😁) and a very happy New Year to you all. “Cold in the Wolds” was one description while Michael chimed in with “Bitterly Cold” you kind of get the picture of what we faced as we gathered at Etton for a ride out to Millington. I suppose it is to be expected, it is January after all. Following what seems like months of rain, finally we had a dry day with light winds, no ice and even a hint of sunshine in the forecast.

Five Knights were all in good spirits as we set off towards Holme-on-the-Wolds catching up on the latest gossip and swapping Xmas stories. Along the ‘back straight’ we encountered our first “flood” with a stream of water running across the road, fortunately not deep and easily passable. A little further along as we approached the Goodmanham junction we almost had a pile up when Mel went into “dance mode” and decided to turn left while everyone else continued ahead. In the process he almost collided with Matt on his left before realising his mistake then when turning back overdid the correction almost running into Pugwash on his right.

From Middleton-on-the-Wolds we continued up to North Dalton ready for everyone’s ‘favourite’ climb up to Huggate. Thereafter we plummeted down into Millington pastures. Our next challenge was to climb the switchback near Millington Wood before the final run down to the Ramblers Rest cafe. Once again Mel’s “sat-nav” sent him the wrong way as he sailed on past the turn into the village despite the shout from Matt. Fortunately he didn’t get far before realising his mistake and turned up at the cafe just as we were about to send out the search party. While having lunch with a lovely cracklin’ log fire in the background we were joined by Colin who’d overcome his earlier “mechanical”

While discussing which way to return home avoiding closed/flooded roads around Goodmanham we initially thought to return along Millington Pastures until Colin came up with an alternative route back to Huggate. For most of us this was a completely new section, leading first up “The Balk” onto Givendale hill before joining with the York road and back into Huggate.

Rather than return the way we came, we continued on to Tibthorpe and Southburn before making our usual way home over Bracken to South Dalton and Etton. A very enjoyable ride despite the cold. Although we were glad to be out we were also looking forward to getting home to a warm bath/shower.

Oh the first knight of Christmas, he proposed to me, A flat ride out to Hornsea.

Oh the second knight of Christmas, he advised to me, wear two pairs of gloves on a flat ride out to Hornsea.

Oh the third knight of Christmas, truly said to me, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea.

Oh the fourth knight of Christmas, he did cuss to me, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea.

Oh the fifth knight of Christmas, he complained to me, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Oh the sixth knight of Christmas, pointed out to me, Slicks they are fraying, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Oh the seventh knight of Christmas, whispered in my ear, the peloton is grinning , Slicks they are fraying, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Oh the eighth knight of Christmas, shouted out to me, wait shades are melting, the peloton is grinning , Slicks they are fraying, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Oh the ninth knight of Christmas, shouted out to me, my buddies panting, wait shades are melting, the peloton is grinning , Slicks they are fraying, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Oh the tenth knight of Christmas, shouted out to me, tend brakes are squeaking, my buddies panting, wait shades are melting, the peloton is grinning , Slicks they are fraying, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Oh the eleventh knight of Christmas, shouted out to me, heavens summers coming, tend brakes are squeaking, my buddies panting, wait shades are melting, the peloton is grinning , Slicks they are fraying, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Oh the twelfth knight of Christmas, shouted out to me, twelve riders riding, heaven summers coming, tend brakes are squeaking, my buddies panting, wait shades are melting, the peloton is grinning , Slicks they are fraying, My old limbs, four swear words, we’re best friends, wear two pairs of gloves, on a flat ride out to Hornsea

Feeling better after his ‘battle’ against the ‘lurgy’ King Raymond was keen to ‘rally his troops’ for a flat ‘sedentary’ ride to Hornsea. “I’m keen to get back in the saddle so suggest our usual route to the Floral Hall” he called before adding a small caveat, “May not make the whole ride but will be strong for the start”. After some further thought he added the option for anyone to suggest an alternative “more adventurous/challenging⛰️🚵‍♂️ route” should they so wish.

Like a chorus from the Four Tops the Knights sang out “🎶I’ll be there🎶” with nobody wanting to “raise the stakes”. The only ‘fly in the ointment’ was a report that Ings Lane leading to Arnold was still flooded and we should consider an alternative route. “Well let’s play it by ear and take our chances” suggested the king.

Ten Knights made the ‘start picture’ however just as we were about to set off “Sir Lastalot” turned up “on the dot” confirming everyone’s suspicion that he waits around the corner out of sight staring at his watch as the seconds count down to the start time before, in the manner of a prima-Donna, making a dramatic entry.

After negotiating our way through town we headed up the Weel road to Tickton where Sir Chad and Sir Jim were waiting to join in the fun.

Resuming our journey, we set off towards Routh before heading south on the Meaux Road then turning onto Kidhill Lane. Just as we reached the junction to Ings Lane we found a “Road Closed” sign. “Well what do we do now?” we wondered. “Why is the road closed?” asked one disbelieving Knight. “I guess the road is still flooded” we surmised. “We can go to Skirlaugh then Rise before returning to our original route plan” suggested one Knight.

By the time we reached Rise, two of the Knights couldn’t contain their excitement and had to make a ‘wee’ stop (“Don’t look Heather!”) while everyone else ‘debated’ which route to take next. Eventually the Knights remounted and rode off towards Great Hatfield and Mappleton then the final ‘dash’ along the coast road into Hornsea.

As the Knights queued to place our cafe order, Neil thought we looked like the sketch from the Full Monty minus the music. Seated around two tables, the Knights were pleased to see our orders arriving. “Bacon Sandwich anyone?” asked the waitress “Anyone?” “Oh that’ll be mine” said King Raymond when nobody else claimed it. Shortly after, King Raymond’s face adopted an expression of shock and horror almost like a case of rigor mortis. “I think I ordered a sausage sandwich” he said. There was a brief pause before the table burst into gales of laughter when we realised his predicament. Having already taken a huge bite out of the bacon Butty he could hardly pass it over to its rightful owner. “Do you mind having sausage instead of bacon?” he asked those still waiting. However the said sausage bap never appeared so we could only surmise that he’d ordered the wrong thing.

As we clamboured back onto our steeds, it felt as if the temperature had dropped a few degrees. The route home was planned to take us to Bewholme, however at the Seaton road junction, we found the road closed with barriers and machinery blocking the way. Just as we were planning an alternative route, a very kind workman opened the barrier to let us through. The final leg of the journey then took us through Brandesburton and Leven before returning home with everyone happy to put on the road once more.

After weeks of wet and/or icy weather, today on the “Feast of the Immaculate Conception” we saw a brief lull in the inclement weather allowing this Friday’s ride to Hutton Cranswick Farm Shop to go ahead. Eight Knights turned out at Etton for a 10am start including Michael who, after three punctures in four rides, was rather eager to show off his brand new tubeless tyres. “They told me in the shop that I’d never suffer another puncture” he proudly declared. Well that would be an immaculate concept.

We set off in good spirits, pleased to be out on the road once more and a chance to catch up on all the “goings on”. Our first “objective” was the climb up to Holme-on-the-Wolds. From there we made our way along to Lockington dodging the odd pool of water here and there along the way. As we approached the junction to Kilnwick Lane we found the road strewn with gravel and other detritus washed down the hill from the recent rainfall. After gingerly picking our way through, conditions did improve slightly until we reached Crabtree lane.

Making our way around Cawkeld, the road surface was more akin to a ploughed field with potholes and damaged tarmac everywhere and much of it covered with pools of water or mud from the surrounding fields. Just before we reached Watton a shout went out “Stopping!” As we gathered round to investigate the reason….. “No! It can’t be! Michael’s got another puncture”. Seems his concept of punctureless tyres was not so immaculate after all.

Despite several attempts to “self-seal” it appeared that the hole may be too big and the only answer was to fit a spare inner tube. Meanwhile, Neil was conscious of time ticking on and having booked a table, suggested he’d stay to assist Michael while the rest of us continued onwards. However, instead of heading to Watton and round by Tophill Low to Hutton Cranswick we tracked back to the junction to Bracken lane arriving at the Farm Shop with time to spare where we were met by Heather who’d cycled up to join us.

For the journey home it seems that we all had differing ideas with some wanting to add extra miles while others wanted to get home before any rain. At the junction of Burnbutts and Bracken lane, Michael, Colin and Graham headed to Bainton while the rest took the more direct route home via South Dalton and Etton.

The “plotters” were invited to gather in a huddle at The Light Dragoon in Etton with the promise of a spectacular display of cycling. The only thing threatening to “spoil the party” was the remnants of the overnight rain. Fortunately, like a damp squib it fizzled out by the time the twelve Knights had arrived. “Here’s the plan folks” announced the leading conspirator “We going to turn Left, Left, Left, Right, Left. Have we all got that?” he asked looking around pointedly to make sure we’d all understood.

No sooner had we set off and there was a shout from behind “Hoy you’re supposed to go left here!” but soon realised that “his” left turn would have led us into the local church instead of Chantry Lane. On reaching South Dalton, Mel the “lead” rider at the time went blithely past “our” junction before a shout from behind brought him back to “the fold”. Turning into the wind towards Kiplingcotes, Chad took up the front running burning energy like an everlasting “roman candle” while the rest thankfully tucked in behind.

Closing in on Goodmanham we came across the first section of flooded road. Luckily it was not too deep and we all safely made our way through. After that we made our way to Market Weighton and then we set off like “rockets” as we faced the climb up to Londesborough then down to Burnby.

Approaching Nunburnholme we hit the next section of flooded road. Fortunately some were able to circumnavigate the obstacle while others decided to ride through.

At this point there was a split in the group as half decided to tackle Nunburnholme Hill. As we fizzled our way up the hill thinking “why did I agree to this?” the other half decided to take “Back lane” to Warter. However on reaching the top we did feel a sense of achievement.

From Nunburnholme top, six of us “lit the blue touch paper” and set off like rockets to Bailey Lane. On arrival at the junction there were only three of us. “Where’s the other three?” we wondered. With no sign of them down the road we assumed there must have been a ‘mechanical’. Sure enough, Michael had suffered yet another puncture, his third in two rides. Meanwhile in Warter there was an awful lot of water with flooded fields overflowing onto the surrounding roads. Three of the “Back Lane” crew took their chances and rode through (wish I had me wellies!) while Heather and Andy took the sensible option along the main road.

From watery Warter, 🎵the only way is up🎵 as the now three separate groups headed for Huggate rising upwards like Chinese lanterns. Finally we now had a helping wind as we raced on towards Tibthorpe. As we approached the cafe entrance, Melvin held out his hand to indicate he was turning or at least that’s what we thought until he sailed straight on past. “Mel! Mel!! MEL!!!” our yelling fell on deaf ears as he carried on blindly forcing Colin to chase after him.

By the time we’d completed our refreshments the sun had put in an appearance and we were all thankful for the little extra heat as we made our way home via Tibthorpe, Bracken, South Dalton, Etton and Cherry Burton. Another “banger” of a ride full of banter and incidents. Time for a hot bath/shower.

Here in the depths of darkest Tickton the resident silverback stirs and looks out over the canopy of mist before plunging a finger into his mouth and raising it in the air. “It’s wet” he declares “Are we still up for foraging out to the east?” One by one the local “troop” responded “Yes, we’ll be there”.

Gathering at Market Cross there was a lot of excited chatter while checking each others lights and mudguards. “Looks like we are all here except for…. Colin, he said he’ll catch up”. The troop set off swinging from traffic light to traffic light until reaching the Weel road eventually reaching Tickton where we found Chad “dragging his knuckles along the ground” patiently pedalling up and down waiting our arrival.

The troop then moved swiftly onwards to Routh before tackling the crossing towards Meaux. Luckily, one very kind driver stopped to let us all safely over the road. Following a well worn track we continued our journey towards Arnold where we came across a flooded section of road. After gingerly making our way through we arrived at Long Riston. “Oh where’s Chad? Is he lost in the mist?” Turned out he’d suffered a puncture and abandoned the ride to head home.

The remainder of the troop continued swinging our way through Great Hatfield and on to Mappleton. As we approached the seaside the mist had lifted somewhat with even a faint glimmer of sunshine trying to break through.

When the troop descended on our “foraging patch” (aka Floral Hall) we found Michael had already arrived ahead of us. Looking around at all the bikes. “Oh is it mudguards today?” he sheepishly asked. “Sorry I don’t have mine fitted. I hadn’t had time, I’ve got the ‘Spanish bug’, I just flu in last night”. Unfortunately for him such excuses got short shrift from the chairman as he held up his yellow glove as a makeshift ‘yellow card’. “One more and it’s a red card and you’ll have to miss two rides” declared Neil with a tongue in cheek admonition.

With bellies full and suitably refreshed it was time for the troop to return home. On departing Hornsea we followed the road to Bewholme.

On leaving Bewholme, Colin, “roaring and beating on his chest” took to the front and began to set a strong pace. Like greyhounds seeing the hare, we set chase. By the time we approached the junction of the Bridlington road a gap had opened up but nooooo, he’s not for stopping. Racing on through Brandesburton and Leven there was still no let up. Perhaps he’ll stop and wait to regroup on the cycle path. Nope, off we set again. Eventually on returning to Tickton we finally stopped to regroup. “I’ve set myself a target to burn 1000 calories each ride” he explained before adding “then I have earned a beer”. Thereafter we all made our way home after another enjoyable ride.