:Surgeons on fire

After undertaking successful surgery on Captain Pugwash following his freak accident last week, Doctors Chad, Dave Wa, Dave Wi, Jenny, Michael and Sharrin choose to get away from the Market Cross hospital and take a relaxing ride to Hornsea. But what’s this? Stephen Powers has infiltrated surgeons corner on Slack and laid down the scalpel for the Hornsea and back in under two hours challenge. It’s windy. The surgeons are already knackered after putting the good captain back together. But Doctor Dave Wa and Doctor Dave Wi are amongst the peloton. This is going to be a quick procedure. But not painless….

Dr Michael is lucky to not find himself under the knife himself. Approaching his fellow surgeons at the Market Cross hospital rendezvous, a white van cuts him up. Dr Michael slams all on whilst simultaneously hurling out abuse to white van man. Mid-vitriol, he realises that WVM had the right of way after all and it was his own mistake. Profusely apologetic, Dr Michael is very lucky that his brakes were in good working order. Disaster averted and they’re off.

Wind in their favour, the six happy surgeons deliver a smooth operation. Little time for the usual Friday chit chat; the two hour challenge is clearly taking precedent. Luckily, the two most experienced practitioners are happy to share the brunt of the work, whilst Doctors Jenny, Chad, Michael and Sharrin gratefully tuck in behind. One or two expressions (from wife to husband) of dissatisfaction with the incessant pace does not go unnoticed. But does go ignored. Twenty’s plenty is clearly a mantra for another day.

The fast and furious 6 (copy-write Sharrin Powers) arrive in Hornsea with a dilemma. Which operation is most appropriate given the condition of the patients? Operation 1: Carry on back to MC hospital with no waiting room stop in a bravadorious (just made that word up) attempt to break the 2 hour challenge. Or Operation 2: Stop for a cup of tea and food. Doctor David Wi is outvoted by 5 surgeons to 1. Cafe stop it is. An array of delicious and nutritious offerings go under the surgeons’ knives. Beans on toast, cake, scones. Delicious.

Dr Michael enquires if the two hour challenge still applies if you pause your GARMIN stethoscopes whilst eating. The answer is somewhat ambiguous. Apparently It doesn’t count, but you can still do it. Doctor Dave Wa expresses his desire to take it nice and sedate on the way home, much to the chagrin of Doctor Wi, who will not give up on the sub-2-hours, even if it doesn’t count. The plan is that we all take turns at the front and if you’re utterly exhausted and can go no further, it doesn’t matter. Man (or Woman) up. Now that’s a plan!

Leaving the tranquility of Hornsea mere cafe, Dr Wa and Dr Wi quickly lead their more junior surgeons home. Doctors Jenny and Sharrin are close behind, with the relative newbies, Doctors Chad and Michael taking up the rear, with seemingly little appetite for moving up the chaingang of command. Approaching 25 MPH against the wind, this is just as well. 

Doctor Chad is called in for an emergency in his home village of Leven and the remaining 5 surgeons take the cycle lane back to Beverley. Ably led by Doctor Sharrin, the wind has little detriment to speed as sub 3 minute mile follows sub 3 minute mile. Approaching Tickton and having taken a free ride for much of the route, Doctor Michael takes a token turn at the front. 

We approach Beverley and check our respective stethoscopes. Doctor Dave Wi has 1 hour 45, Doctor Michael a somewhat contrived 1 hr 59 mins, 59 seconds and Doctor Dave Wa 2 hours 6 minutes. This not insignificant difference is the result of:a) Doctor Dave Wi switching on/off his stethoscope at the ‘stupid’ roundabout. b) Doctor Michael switching his device on at MC Hospital, pausing said device at Hornsea and deliberately keeping on pause until safely on the fast Bewholme road turnoffc) Doctor Dave Wa playing it by the medical book

Well that was a right “carry on”. It started before it had even begun with (Carry on Regardless) Pugwash coming a cropper (yes again) on the way to Market Cross. Having caught up with (Carry on Doctor) Sharrin near Wednesday Market, she stopped at a zebra crossing, where a gentleman was about to begin crossing, unfortunately Pugwash didn’t and ran into her rear end and lost balance. In the process of the less than elegant swan dive, Pugwash suffered a twisted ankle. After a few minutes recovery, like a pro cyclist, he decided to carry on rather than return home with tail between legs. Sharrin suggested that Pugwash had orchestrated the whole affair just to get a cuddle, but throwing oneself to the floor like that, is not likely to earn many “brownie points”.

Six knights gathered at the start. Lacking the requisite map and compass, (Carry on Columbus) Raymond decided to stick to familiar routes and head for the Mere café at Hornsea. Following a quick run through of the route, we set off into the mist with all lights blazing, lit up like a moving Xmas tree. (Carry on Sergeant) Dave was quick onto the front, leading the hapless band out to Weel and Tickton. Pugwash then took to the front as we continued along the cycle path to Meaux lane. Carry on Sergeant returned to the front to Kidhill lane where the next mishap occurred as he rounded the corner over the Riston-Arnold drain. The dampness on the ground proving somewhat slippery, caused Dave to hit the deck. Fortunately the only damage appeared to be to his ego.

Continuing on a little more gingerly, the route took us to Long Riston and along Whins lane leading through Great Hatfield and on to Mappleton. After a brief pause, it was off with the wind at our backs all the way to Hornsea where we turned into the Mere Café. Some discussion ensued regarding Carry on Columbus’s forthcoming BIG birthday party and what might be in store. Suitably refuelled it was time to face the cool dampness as we headed out of town towards the Honeysuckle Farm.

Turning off the main road it was time for Carry on Doctor to suffer a mechanical as her chain dropped off and jammed between the cassette and the spokes. Luckily she managed to unclip in time to save her from further indignity. Her knight in shining armour turned out to be (Carry on Camping) Russel as he stopped to help her sort out the problem. The chain however was well and truly stuck leading to Carry on Doctor to call for a “taxi” home. Carry on Columbus flagged down a passing motorist….. well flagged down was not quite how to describe him waving his arms and standing in the middle of the narrow road. Fortunately the helpful motorist happened to have a box of tools in his pick-up. Just as we were about to give up and rely on the “taxi”, Carry on Columbus put his previous engineering knowledge (AKA brute strength and ignorance) to finally release the chain. With assistance from Carry on Sergeant and Carry on Camping, Carry on Doctor was soon on her way again.

The return route took us through to Bewholme then via Catwick to Brandesburton and Leven. Our next mishap came when (Carry on Matron) Lesley announced a visit from the “puncture fairy”. Ably assisted by “Carry on Sergeant and Carry on Camping” the replacement tube was fitted and we set off for the final leg of our journey with Carry on Matron contemplating the expense of a new spare tube and gas canister.

An eventful ride and memorable for all the wrong reasons. Looking forward to the next one!!!!!

A glorious sunny but chilly morning greeted the seven knights as they assembled at Manor House. First to “drop anchor” was the Admiral accompanied by the Rear-Admiral. They were soon joined by the Captain and the Bosun. A further three unannounced vessels loomed over the horizon with Commodore Mike followed by Lieutenant Dave and Sub-Lieutenant Jenny.

The Admiral had found a new cargo loading destination south of the river and with favourable winds it was decided to head for the Old Tile Works near Barton-Upon-Humber. The fleet set off towards Walkington with reefed sails and wind broad on the starboard beam. Taking the back road we continued towards Little Weighton before turning for the first climb up Bluestone Bottoms. The chilly air and muscles not yet warmed up made the climb more difficult, but did not stop a half-hearted “wacky” race to the top between Admiral, Vice-Admiral and Captain. 

After regrouping at the base of Comberdale Hill it was time for a photo opportunity as the fleet paraded past the Admiral. On reaching the junction at Westoby Lane, the Rear-Admiral took charge of the route planning and sent the Bosun onwards up hill before realising the error of her ways and had to send out a recall and grovelling apology before taking the previously advised route, advocated by the Admiral. Turning towards Riplingham and the wind now firmly on the starboard quarter, the pace began to pick up as we headed down wind and down hill into Welton. The warmth of the sun shining on the corner of Kidd Lane was welcome after the chill of the wind and shade of Lambwell Hill.

The next section of the journey saw the fleet passing busier roads than we’re used to, as we made our way through Welton, Melton and North Ferriby to reach the Humber Bridge. Crossing the bridge on the lee side was quite pleasant. There was little pedestrian traffic, however one pair straddling the road, required some loud bellowing from the Admiral’s foghorn to warn of our approach. 

As we passed the café car park, the Admiral pointed out, with a hint glee in his voice, a line of cars parked over to the east, which he claimed were all people there to attend a “speed awareness” course. The warmth of the café was extremely welcome as were the refreshments which appeared quickly. During the cargo loading, the Commodore started to wave his digit around to show he was a “man of wood on a ship of steel”. Perhaps he should have known better, as the fleet seemed eager to get the cutlasses out and perform instant surgery to remove the offending splinter. Bottle of rum over here please!!

[Show slideshow]

The journey home saw us returning from Hessle towards Tranby before taking a wrong turn sending the fleet through unfamiliar roads through West Ella before getting back on track at Swanland. On the way up the Riplingham road, Sub-Lieutenant Jenny started to experience mechanical difficulties, forcing her to use more sail than necessary thus making the climb rather more difficult. Taking the Rowley road we were soon at Little Weighton, where bosun Russel took his leave while the rest of the fleet returned to Walkington and back to Beverley.

Looks like the last of the decent weather for the moment, so eight knights plus one honorary knight Sean turned out to “enjoy” the last hurrah. The morning chill saw everyone layering up to protect themselves, except for “Iron Man” Mike, who must have forgotten he’d returned home from foreign holidays and was still sporting shorts. Perhaps he was continuing to work on his tan, but for the rest of us, we were glad to have our sunglasses on to minimise the glare reflected from his bare legs!

Living up to his moniker, Mike led the knights away from Market Cross over the Westwood to meet up with the remaining colleagues at Manor House. Fiddle Drill was confirmed as our café destination of choice, with Raymond suggesting to follow our usual route to Millington and back to Goodmanham. First out of the traps was Iron Man, no doubt feeling the chill after the brief “route planning” meeting. With north-westerly winds it proved tough going from the start as we wound our way towards Etton, South Dalton and Middleton-on-the-Wolds. Just to add to the level of difficulty, we then faced the long slog uphill to Huggate. 

The knights regrouped outside Huggate to review the route. After some deliberation and discussion about how everyone felt, Iron Man stepped up to the plate again to make an executive decision that we’d amend the route and head directly  to Warter. Taking advantage of the change of wind direction and the generally downhill terrain the pace picked up, none more so than Alan who conformed to his trademark and zoomed away off the front. When there was no sign of him at the Warter junction, it was thought that he was making a very early bid to be first to the café. His secret plan was revealed as we reached the summit of the Bailey Lane climb and Alan was at the ready with camera in hand to capture the cheery huffing and puffing faces as we passed by.

 A lovely downhill into Londesborough set us up nicely for the next climb of Intake Hill before speeding onward to Market Weighton and the final burst up hill to the Fiddle Drill. Alan continued home without stopping, while the rest of us took our refreshments. A familiar bike was spotted outside the café and sure enough, inside reserving “our table” was Heather. Our return journey saw us continue upwards to the Kiplingcotes road and back through Etton. Another superb ride leaving us all with thoughts of the winter weather to come over the next few months.

After Tuesday’s misdemeanours by unidentified individuals, all “bets” were off regarding the café destination and we were definitely NOT heading to TJ’s. Russell came it for a little stick immediately regarding his recently purchased socks which he insisted did not come from a passing circus.  “Right” said Raymond “We’ll head out east….any suggestions?” ‘In making such an offer he was acting very rash’ however the Spotted Duck at Fitling was quickly agreed to. “Now then… does anyone remember the way?” Up stepped Neil to the plate to offer his services as navigator, so the eight knights set off heading for Grovehill road to take us to the Weel road and on to Tickton. Travelling along the cycle path to Routh, we came upon an already large U3A group. After a quick chat with those we knew, we went our separate ways at the junction to Meaux as we headed south to Benningholme and Skirlaugh. 

 We soon found ourselves passing Burton Constable where our illustrious navigator stopped for a comfort break while the rest continued. Confusion soon arose however as we reached the next junction. Some of us recognised the road and suggested we should be heading that way. Fortunately we waited around the corner to ensure Neil took the same route only to see him fly by, “This wayyyyyyy!” he cried on the way past. Still unconvinced, the group looked around at each other for reassurance “Don’t ask me” said Alan “I’m out of my comfort zone in this neck of the woods”. Eventually Neil returned to convince everyone of the correct direction.

Back on track and nearing Humbleton, the pace started to pick up as Heather and Sharrin took to the front in an effort to “beat” Alan to be first to the café. A forlorn endeavour as the café stop was a bit further than they’d anticipated but they said he had to “sprint” the last few yards to maintain his status.

The drinks order was the first to arrive at the table, however Heather’s tea was passed over by Neil, who with the sleight of hand to impress any budding magician, palmed the biscuit from the saucer saying “You didn’t want the biscuit did you?”. When everyone had been served, a further bacon sandwich appeared and our trencherman extraordinaire showed remarkable restraint in refusing the offer. Just as well, as it was destined for another table. During our repast, Raymond, Neil and Steve were spotted checking google maps and discussing the best way back.

The return journey saw the knights retracing their steps back towards Burton Constable before turning off to Sproatley and round the “back” of Burton Constable estate leading to Coniston. The wind continued to assist our progress through Swine until turning east at Beningholme. Now we had a slight head wind, Steve took up the pace setting duties, “steady twenty” he said “We don’t want to lose anyone off the back”. Not sure if that was a cough and splutter from Raymond or just a harrumph.

Another great ride and no sign of the forecast of rain

At the Spotted Duck

Raymond & Stevie G

Pugwash & Russell

Sharrin & Heather

Alan

There was definitely an autumnal feel in the air this morning, prompting an assorted array of clothing, from shorts to full length tights, base layers to winter jackets, with everyone wishing they’d added more. It didn’t deter a superb turnout with twelve Knights setting off from Market Cross. Today’s destination was the Bike Cave at Driffield suggested by Mr Watkins, who was still a little fragile after taking a tumble on the Tuesday ride. Following a short discussion on which route to take, the Knights departed over the Westwood led initially by Digby Rigby then Sergeant Stone. 

The grandparents and wannabees regrouped at Manor House before continuing along Finchcroft lane to Cherry Burton and Etton. A second rendezvous in South Dalton at Mere lane allowed Bert Bamford to zoom ahead to set up for a photo opportunity as the group passed the “duck pond”. Heading along the Bracken road there was a lovely helping wind speeding us on to the junction at TJ’s. Passing through Cranswick we took the Meggison’s Turnpike to Skerne and onward into Driffield. 

In the café, with everyone served their refreshments it was announced that Charlie Quick had become a new grandad with arrival of grandson Bertie. Congratulations abounded from the group for his “promotion” to the rank of grandparent. Suitably refreshed with bacon butties, poached eggs and cakes with tea / coffee it was time to return home.

“Which way home Mr Watkins?” “North Frodingham then Brandesburton” he replied adding “Does anyone know how to get there?”. Miss Crampton, Mildred and Captain Flint ventured the idea that we should head back to the rail crossing. Some of the group, due to time constraints, decided to take a more direct route home so Bert Bamford, Harold Thorntree, Barnes and Mr Marvel left the group to head home along the main road, while the rest played “follow my leader” on to the Wansford road.

A westerly wind made sure the pace was high heading down to North Frodingham, with Sergeant Stone, Digby Rigby, Charlie Quick, Mr Watkins and Brian Plumber taking turns on the front. On leaving Frodingham, Captain Flint reported she was feeling a “little flat” at the back. Sure enough, there was a bulging rear…….tyre requiring additional effort to keep going. Eventually it was too much and she pulled over to have some more air pumped into the offending article, ably assisted by Sergeant Stone.

On reaching Brandesburton, it was the turn of Sergeant Stone to be visited by the puncture fairy giving him a thorn in the side. Repairs completed and we were off again through Leven, then hitting the head winds as we made our way along the cycle path to Tickton where everyone started to find their own way home.

Cast List

Our own Ray of sunshine was not able to attend today’s ride, however there was enough rays from the sun to provide a little warmth on the backs of the assembled Knights. The café stop proposed by Admiral Neil was the Spotted Duck at Fitling. With light winds we expected a smooth passage out to the far east. The 11 strong flotilla weighed anchor at Market Cross and set off towards Hengate and were immediately held up by some uncooperative traffic lights. When finally on our way, our route passed the railway station and onto Grovehill road before negotiating the “magic roundabout” to the Weel bridge. Along the Weel road, we encountered some rough seas caused by the detritus left behind by a mucky tractor.

At Tickton, Ship’s Surgeon Andy joined the group and we continued along the Traffic Separation Scheme (aka cycle path) to Routh. (How many miles have we done now Sharrin?) Heading south along the road to Meaux, Corporal Jones shot out the front like a torpedo homing in on its prey. When no one joined him in the breakaway, he returned to the formation at the junction to Kidhill lane. The pace was then set by Admiral Neil, Captain Pugwash and Mechanic Mike until reaching Ings lane where Mike left the group to return home while the convoy continued to Skirlaugh.

A brief zip up the main road, before heading to New Ellerby where after a brief pause to consult our “charts” it turned out the Admiral had brought maps for the Arctic North instead of the Far East. Time for the sextant and a bit of dead reckoning before continuing to Marton and passed Burton Constable Hall. (How many miles have we done now Sharrin?) On the road between Humbleton and Fitling, Andy suffered a puncture causing a split in the convoy with half staying to assist as necessary while the others waited up the road. Corporal Jones realising we were close to the café made a bid to be first in the queue and set off to wait there, shortly followed by the rest of the lead group.

The flotilla dropped anchor outside the Spotted Duck and the cargo loading commenced. Unfortunately for Andy he spent most of the time in the repair yard. “Shuddering Sharks!” cried Captain Pugwash, “we’re under attack from kamikaze wasps, call out the SWAT team”. Despite Sharrin’s best impression of Edward Scissorhands in a barber shop it made no impact on the determined little blighters. Time to deploy decoy tactics, with Corporal Jones setting the jam pots away from the anchorage area in an effort to distract their attention elsewhere. It seemed to work much better than the windmill efforts of the SWAT team. Once all ships were laden it was time for the return journey to home ports in Beverley.

Retracing our route to Burton Constable Hall, we then took the back road through Old Ellerby to Skirlaugh and back along Beningholme lane. It was along this section when a car crept up behind us, but despite shouts of “car back” and the rear of the peloton allowing the car to pass into the middle of the group, the lead section steadfastly continued for a couple of miles before pulling over to allow our “escort” to pass. All too soon we were back in Tickton (How many miles have we done now Sharrin?) with everyone starting to veer off to their home ports.

Now then boys, it’s a little windy this morning and the bright sunshine isn’t quite strong enough to provide the heat we have experienced of late, so make sure you wrap up warm and choose a route to keep the wind at your back. Some of your friends have decided to give it a miss and there will be only five of you meeting at Market Cross today.

“Let’s head to Londesborough, Warter and Huggate” said Alan, quickly adding “we can then head for Tibthorpe and have tea at TJ’s”. “Yes”, chorused the others, “sounds like a good plan”. The five friends mounted their hobby horses and set off for their adventure.  A split in the group appeared right from the off as the traffic lights changed to red after the leading two Alan and Mikey had passed, leaving little Jimmy, Russ and their faithful dog Pug sulking in the rear. 

The adventure could easily have come to an early end, when a parked car decided to pull out on Pasture Lane almost side swiping Russ and leaving no room for Pug except to do a “Tom & Jerry” braking manoeuvre. It was then off over the Westwood and the boys all came back together again at the Coppleflat Lane junction. On reaching the A1079 junction at Bishop Burton and carefully following their mummy’s advice about the “green cross code”, the five friends crossed gingerly over to the Cherry Burton road.

Once reaching Etton, it was head down time to reduce the effects of the adverse wind. At the top of Etton/Dalton ramp, Alan suggested a slight change to the normal route by heading to Goodmanham via the Enthorpe road. “O…K….” said Jimmy with a glazed and confused look appearing on his face. “Where’s that then?” he asked. “Just follow the rest of us, you’ll recognize it when you get there” offered Pug. Given the state of the Spring Road this was a good alternative with a lovely downhill sweep into Goodmanham to make up for all the climbing.

Next up was the long drag to Londesborough then to Nunburnholme top with Alan taking the lead most of the way. At the top the boys stopped to admire the fantastic view…. and recover from the climbing effort. Mikey advised his friends that his “mummy” had said he had to be home early so with a cheery wave he set off to find his own way home, while the rest continued the journey to Warter and Huggate. With the main climbs completed and the wind behind, it was off at a gallop to Tibthorpe, Southburn and picnic at TJ’s.

Is that a wasp you’ve swallowed Jim?

The previous bad behaviour of little Jimmy went unnoticed this time, as the object of his faux pas was not in attendance and he was “allowed” to sit with the others. The trouble with picnics is wasps seem to like this form of al fresco dining too. “I’ve been reading up about Bees” said Alan, “Wasps evolved from Bees but Bees are vegetarian and wasps are omnivorous” he opined. This explanation did nothing to alleviate the annoyance felt by the boys at the unwanted intrusion and regretting the decision to eat outside. Not wishing to linger more than necessary, it was time to set off home.