There was a distinct chill in the air this morning as the Master Painters gathered to compare their respective tools and equipment. Today was also the Beverley Food Festival with stalls aplenty set out all around the Market Cross. It would have been very tempting to just ride around the square and sample the wares before heading straight home, however Michelangelo (Pugwash) advised he’d hidden their Paint Pot at a seldom visited village called Elloughton. He went on to draw the outline of the route required to reach their element. Registered in today’s Master Class were  (Paul) Cezanne, David Hockney (Chris) and Claude Monet (Stephen) with some late additions turning up to swell the class numbers, Leonardo da Vinci (Jim) and Vincent van Gogh (Colin) followed finally by (Andy) Worhol.

Setting out over the Westwood, a brisk pace was set by Michelangelo in order to warm up quickly. Continuing on towards Newbald, Vincent and Monet took over the lead until reaching base camp at Col-de-Stoneknowle. Some of the class thought they’d sneak off and take the easy route to Cliffe road, however creating a masterpiece was never going to be so easy and off we set to reach the summit. At the steepest section there was lot of huffing and puffing from the young whippersnappers, at which point Leonardo and Michelangelo leapt onto the front leading to cries of “So much for help the aged” from Monet! The effort proved a little warming for Leonardo, who lacking the skill to go “no-handed” had to stop to remove his top layer, losing ground in the process.

The downhill sweep to Gardham was led by Andy Worhol with Michelangelo taking over at the bottom through the sprint challenge however, with no wind assistance, only a half-hearted effort was made. From Etton, we turned on to the Kiplingcotes road where we encountered the art of “mud wash”. Coupled with the overnight rain and tractor detritus it was time to proceed gingerly with the artists at the back suffering the most from splatter.

Next up was the Col-de-Arras hill with Cezanne taking up the lead role and Leonardo shadowing him closely. On reaching the downhill section into Sancton it was time for David Hockney, Cezanne, Monet and Worhol to “race” to the junction. After all the hill climbing it was time for more gentle slopes along Houghton lane leading to Cliffe road. The pace then picked up with lead changing hands several times on the way into North Cave. From there we followed a rather “abstract” route through South Cave, Ellerker and Brantingham before arriving at the Paint Pot. Standing outside the café, a comment was heard regarding the size of the frontage. Appearances are not everything and like the Tardis, more was revealed as Michelangelo led the class to the little suntrap around the back.

Even though the sun had come to shine on our endeavours, the class opted to “fill-in” inside the establishment where it was a tad warmer. After everyone had been served drinks, a further “flat white” was brought. The class looked around at each other with “not me” expressions until Leonardo, having already consumed an americano, sheepishly piped up “I think that’s for me”. Well I know Leo’s getting long in the tooth, but with “previous” for selective hearing we can now add a little colour blindness to his record. Perhaps we’ll all have to keep a closer eye on the coffee grabber.

Jim checking his sleeve for his next trick

Andy “Did you really drink my coffee?”

Setting off home it was a case of the High road or the not so high road. Fuelled by the extra caffeine boost, the charge up the Dale was led by Leonardo but was chased down by Cezanne. There had been mention of extending the class by heading down to Raywell, however on reaching the Riplingham road, Leonardo and Vincent indicated a preference for a more direct route home  This was quickly adopted by the rest of the class.

There was no mention of cheese ahead of today’s ride, however like mice lured into a trap, fourteen mice in knights clothing crawled out of the woodwork to follow the trail to the Cheese Shop in Howden including first timer baby knight Gary. The main gathering was Market Cross while others waited at Manor House to join the “mischief”.

The breadcrumb trail led the knightly mice to Walkington then via Bluestone Bottoms over the “clump” and down into South Cave. Passing through North Cave, the nest of newbie Gary, he must have thought “why didn’t I wait here, instead of driving all the way to Beverley?”. The “trip” then had to negotiate our way passed a myriad of “cats” attending the local “cat boot sale” as we progressed to Newport before the “scent” led the pack “down by the riverside” to Faxfleet. Along this section, the pack assembled across the road for a photo opportunity. I’m sure someone shouted “CHEESE!”.

The wind blowing the scent directly in our faces seemed to inspire some of the pack with an impressive pace being maintained all the way past Blacktoft to Yokefleet and onwards to Laxton. Progress ground to a halt at the Saltmarshe railway crossing where a number of “cats” lay waiting. Safely through the trap, the pack then headed to Skelton and Kilpin Pike before mobbing the Cheese Shop at Howden. “What! No Cheese?!…..in a ‘cheese’ shop?”. The mice had to settle for bacon sandwiches, scrambled eggs or cakes washed down with teas and coffees. Mind, there is always one who needs a few more calories with a vanilla latte, not mentioning any names though Matty Mouse.

Pauley Mouse went for the Jam & cream scone and looked a bit like the “cat who licked the cream”, which is not a good look in a pack of mice! He even tried to tempt some of us with little titbits from his plate. Lesley Mouse came up trumps when newbie Gary mouse had no cash but offered to treat her to make the minimum spend required to use his card for payment. Over in another corner, the army mice were busy planning tactics for defeating the navy mice at the planned golf tournament later in the week. No doubt they’ll come with a cat in the bag!

Reluctantly the mice had to leave the comfort and warmth of the café and head back to their nests. The return journey saw the pack at top speed with a tail wind heading to Eastrington and back towards Gilberdyke.  The “train” of mice scurrying along the main road through Newport and back to North Cave must have looked quite impressive to any passing cats. To reduce the chance of being attacked by said cats, the mice headed away from the main road and through Hotham Park before finding themselves at the South Newbald. Jimmy mouse opted to take the northerly route home while the rest took on the challenge of Trundlegate. Another split in the group came at the top when some opted to take the Walkington heads road while the remainder continued to Little Weighton.

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Attempts by the depleted group to set a new record up Risby hill were foiled when they came upon a group of cats stalking an elderly mouse and blocking the safe passage. Perhaps next time. A superb ride with all mice making it safely back to their nests.

Nothing like a bit of sunshine and light winds to bring all the knights out to play. “All right you horrible little softies” cried drill sergeant Raymond, “Seeing as you don’t like wind, let’s see how you get on with a few hills”. “We can head for Huggate, Huggate or Huggate” he yelled with a hint of a smirk on his face. “From there, we will head to Warter, Londesborough and Goodmanham”. “Yes sir!” responded all ten knights on parade at Manor House. 

Autumn colours on route to South Dalton

The squad set off in good spirits, catching up with those who’d not been seen for a while. The route march, saw us passing through Etton where the group had to wait for the rear guard to catch up, having been held up by traffic  at an earlier junction. The first climb of the day came on the way to Holme-on-the-Wolds, before heading into the wind towards Middleton-on-the-Wolds. Next up was the long seemingly never ending climb to North Dalton and Huggate, which saw the group becoming strung out. The gathering at the top of the climb was said to be more like a “mothers meeting” with everyone chatting away and no-one in any hurry to continue. 

The next section was a chance to recover and enjoy the thrill of the downhill into Warter. Neil took the opportunity to take some photographs by the duck pond, much

Mad dogs at Warter and they weren’t the cyclists

to the chagrin of two dogs in a nearby garden, who let rip with enough noise to wake the whole neighbourhood. Photoshoot over and it was time for the main climb up to Nunburnholme top. A few mutterings were heard at the bottom wondering why anyone would sign up for such torture. In the words of Corporal Jones “Some don’t like it up ’em hills”.

On the way down to Londesborough, we came across an army of children some 500 strong, many in fancy dress, out from their barracks at Market Weighton School on a 30 mile hike to raise funds for charity.

Market Weighton school turn out to cheer the knights

Heading in the same direction as the knights was a “Sherman tank” with a bull headed “commander” on board. Instead of enjoying the moment and showing some patience, he decided to take issue with the squadron leaders for having the temerity to block his passage and continued to harangue everyone even after the road had cleared ahead of him. Eventually some of our group pointed out the error of his ways only to have him to turn his vitriol towards us before roaring off into the distance.

Next challenge was Intake hill leading us towards Market Weighton and Goodmanham and chance for a repast at the Fiddle Drill café. Despite the bright sunshine, there was a chill in the air so we decided to commandeer some tables inside and rearrange the furniture to accommodate our number. Jim showed his selective hearing skills by claiming a black coffee which had been destined for Colin. Perhaps he’s out to take over from Neil as “trencherman extraordinaire”, mind you I think those with bacon sandwiches would be safe.

The Captain following behind contemplating the theme for todays ride

The great Raymondo leading the way on next years sprint section

Our return route saw us taking the Spring road returning to Etton. At the junction at the top of Etton ramp, a discussion ensued regarding the merits of using “Etton Mess” strava section for next years sprint challenge. All too soon it was time for everyone to head home. Wonderful weather, fantastic company and everyone looking forward to the next outing.

Weather forecasts of gloom and doom from earlier in the week did not come to fruition today. The sky was grey and a there was a distinct chill in the air as the six cruisers gathered at Market Cross. HMS Dreadnought with Pugwash onboard, was first to arrive followed by newcomer HMS Hood with Olivier. Next to appear over the horizon was Stephen in HMS Courageous and Sharrin with HMS Queen Mary. Finally making the convoy was HMS Indefatigable Dave W and HMS Renown Andy. Signal greetings were passed all round with HMS Courageous adding that he and HMS Queen Mary were required for further duties in the afternoon and had to return to base by 1230.  The suggestion of a trip to the far eastern port of Hornsea was quickly agreed.

The convoy set off along Norwood at cruising speed until reaching the Swinemoor roundabout. The option of the narrower sea-lane to the south of the main strait was ignored with HMS Indefatigable acting as flag ship and moving up to battle speed until reaching Tickton. Once safely on the northern Traffic Separation Scheme the convoy returned to cruising speed. At Routh, the convoy turned south towards Meaux, however not without one of the enemy vessels blasting their horn and giving us all a broadside. HMS Indefatigable continued to set the pace until reaching the junction at Kidhill lane where HMS Renown took up the running. He was having so much fun being on the front that his pace picked up to “Full Gas” and was starting to create a gap with the convoy becoming strung out behind.  Eventually he relented and HMS Dreadnought took over as flag ship till reaching Arnold.

While zig-zagging our way around the quiet country roads towards Hatfield, some “back seat drivers” cast aspersion on the navigating abilities of HMS Dreadnought and HMS Renown when their hand signals from behind failed to alert said vessels prior to the junction. Having a following wind and smooth waters, the pace remained high and the convoy soon found themselves at Mappleton and on to the busy waterway leading to Hornsea. Once again, the aptly named HMS Indefatigable took to the front maintaining a steady 20 knots until arriving at the bunker port of Hornsea Mere café.

Cruisers unmooring

Lined up ready for fleet inspection

On arriving at the anchorage, HMS Indefatigable admitted it was his first call to this particular port. By this time the sun had come out to greet the fleet along with a myriad of other small sailing vessels. With cruisers securely moored, the respective captains repaired ashore to take on enough fuel for the return journey. It was a timely arrival, as another fleet arrived in port immediately after muttering something about saving some bacon sarnies. Mindful of the need to get back, the fleet was soon back on the road. Heading out of Hornsea and up passed the Honeysuckle Farm, there was some jockeying for position before settling into a nice orderly phalanx once more.

The return route saw the fleet passing through Bewholme and Catfoss before reaching Brandesburton. On the way through this section, a fleet of tractors some 20 strong were spotted heading in the opposite direction. Part of the Leven Tractor Run. I’m sure they would have been impressed by the speed and “colours” displayed by our little fleet as we zoomed passed. 

At the Whitecross roundabout it was back onto the Tickton Traffic Separation Scheme, still led by HMS Indefatigable. Part way along this section, he finally showed some signs of having spent the lion’s share at the front and dropped back towards the rear of the convoy. A superb fast ride, just what was needed to warm things up in the early autumnal chill.

Mutley  suggested today’s destination of Ramblers Rest at Millington, however the route was laid out by Dick Dastardly. The plucky contestants arrived at Market Cross for the 0930 start bright eyed and bushy tailed except for the Gruesome Twosome who’d stayed up a bit late and were feeling a little under the weather. Bright sunshine and warmth were a welcome accompaniment as we set out over the Westwood led by Sergeant Blast and Red Max. A quick stop at Manor House to see if any other contestants would arrive, then it was off on our familiar route to Etton. 

Along the way, Sergeant Blast suggested a minor change to the usual route to continue up the Kiplingcotes Race Course road instead of following the Spring Road to Goodmanham. At the junction, there was near mishap when Mutley failed to hear the shouts of “straight on” and turned left into Sergeant Blast and only good bike handling kept both upright. First to the top of the “ramp” was Peter Perfect though not the quickest of the bunch. Nearing the top of the climb Rufus Ruffcut made a determined effort to be first to make the summit. By the time all the racers reached the top Dick Dastardly was beginning to think it was a cunning ploy to wear him out early, however as a reward for their efforts there was the superb downward sweep into Goodmanham.

Next challenge for the wacky racers was the climb up Intake Hill to Burnby lane with Professor Pat Pending, Red Max, Sawtooth Beaver and Peter Perfect making short work of it, while the rest trailed behind. When all together again, there was another lovely downward sweep to take the racers into Burnby. From there, it was on to Nunburnholme and Kilnwick Percy before the final flourish into Millington.

Once all vehicles were refuelled, it was off along Millington Pastures to Huggate. The pace then picked up a bit on the way down to North Dalton with everyone enjoying the blast of wind in the face. Rufus Ruffcut did a great turn leading out first Sergeant Blast then Penelope Pitstop. After regrouping, it was on to Middleton-on-the-Wolds then the Goodmanham road. On reaching the Holme-on-the-Wolds ramp the first little wacky race started with everyone vying to be first to the top. A bit of normality resumed for a while along the straight with Penelope Pitstop and Little Gruesome on the front but the wackiness soon returned as Mutley, Peter Perfect, Rufus Ruffcut, Sawtooth Beaver and Professor Pat Pending eased their way to the front closely followed by Big Gruesome proving it takes more than a few glasses of wine to slow him down.

Regrouping again at Holme-on-the-Wolds, a steadier pace ensued as the racers cruised to Etton then Cherry Burton before finding their own individual way home. Superb weather, great route, top notch café stop, what more can we ask for. Looking forward to the next episode…..

Cast List